Pacman Game Over

The NFL has suspended Pacman Jones for the entire season and Chris Henry for 8 games for violations of the league's behavior policy. It should be noted that both suspensions are without pay and could force posse layoffs and downsizing to offset the lack of cash flow. Residents of Nashville, Cincinnati, and Las Vegas are being warned by city officials to keep their women and children off of the streets after sunset until the suspensions have lapsed and the two players are once again gamefully employed. If one does encounter both of them simultaneously, do not make direct eye contact or make any swift movements. Lay on the ground motionless and play dead until something shiny catches their eye and they scamper off.

Quick Flash 03/28/2007 - Gina Carano

• Frank Gore gets a new deal. Good thing for him since he probably only has a year or two left in those knees.
• Roger Federer loses match. Rivers run with blood. Death of first born child imminent.
• Old March Madness fame dies hard, crazy fans are tough to shake no matter how small a market you are playing in, and the ABA pays in chicken nuggets.
• Prime example of why chicks should not be sportswriters: They lack logic and reason.
• 350lb lineman can do a backflip. If NFL dreams fail, has career as sideshow freak as a fallback (or is it a flipback in this case?).
• Sidney Lowe's son is a criminal but not a Bungle, but team is likely impressed with the 22 charges pending against him..
• Chris Henry gets arrested again and is for sure a Bungle.
• OJ Mayo calls the shots in his life and give his cell number to no one.
• Could Dhani Jones soon be free to go dancin' in the streets?

Henry to get Neon Plate Award?

Chris Henry should be making plans to leave Ohio soon, or at least register his car in another state. Ohio is moving forward with a law that would require registered sex offenders to display a bright neon license plate on their automobile at all times to help bring attention to their presence in order to protect minors from further attacks. Henry may not be a registered sex offender yet, but it is likely one of his few remaining goals to accomplish as a Bungle, having come so close after his drunken encounter with underage girls last summer. With Henry's competitive spirit, I am sure that he would require a neon plate on his car before the offseason is over. In other news Marcus Vick is suddenly hesitant about making the move to the Browns to become the teams starting QB and focal point of the offense.