Holyfield Set to Fight...at an Old Folks Home?

In a great move for the sport of boxing, coming on the heels on the only relevant weekend in pro boxing in the last five years, Evander Holyfield is going to step back into the ring and continue his march to becoming a brain damaged vegetable. The 44-year-old is trying to regain the heavyweight title, which isn't the most far fetched scenario given the hapless state of heavyweight boxing, especially with about 7 belts up for grabs, most held by guys that got fired as bouncers from the local watering hole for their lack of crowd control abilities. Yes folks, boxing is alive and well in America.

Mayweather Beats Oscar In a Split

Floyd Mayweather ended boxing's biggest night in many, many years with a split decision victory over the Golden Boy, Oscar De La Hoya. Mayweather engineered his victory through unfathomable quickness that he used to dodge Oscar nearly 80% of the time he threw a punch. Sadly for boxing, Mayweather promptly retired after the bout, leaving boxing with another talent void to fill for the beleaguered sport. This has likely been boxing's last mega fight of the 00's as fans just have a tough time caring about the 99% of fighters that are just bums and has-beens that are being paraded around the ring as legitimate fighters.

Top 7 Worst Athlete Wives

7. Juanita Jordan, former wife of Michael Jordan - Though Juanita never attacked MJ, severely slandered his name/manhood, or attempted to sever any sexual organs, she did make off with over $150M in the divorce settlement, the largest celebrity divorce settlement in history. Even a guy who wagers $100k on a hole of golf with a buddy cannot be happy about losing that much loot. For that she gets on this list.

6. Jean Strahan, former wife of Michael Strahan - Apparently not satisfied with the $15.5M, house, and other goodies that she received in the divorce settlement, she stooped to selling off many of Michael's personal effects, including but not limited to Pro Bowl memorabilia, game worn equipment, and TVs. All for rock bottom prices to whomever showed up to the garage sale. At least she left the plasmas intact.

5. Deidra Lane, former wife of Fred Lane - Deidra shot and killed her husband with two close range gun shot wounds to the head and chest. How can this woman only be ranked in the #5 slot when she ended up killing her husband? Odds are that she put him out of a life of misery, not to mention the misery he missed out on that we all know as divorce, that brutal demon that steals at least half of what a man worked his whole life for in the blink of an eye. And it's not like he never saw the shooting coming, he did marry her knowing that she once robbed a credit union.

4. Joumana Kidd, former wife of Jason Kidd - According to court documents filed by Jason, his crazy ex-wife kicked, hit, punched him and exhibited extreme cruelty by throwing objects at him. To add insult to injury, she even tracked him by placing GPS devices on his car and stealing his prepaid cell phones to stalk his mistresses. Basically a total downer on all fronts.

3. Robin Givens, former wife of Mike Tyson - Well she obviously couldn't beat him up, but she did manipulate Iron Mike until he didn't know whether he was coming or going. Then again that might be his normal mental state. Also there are the horrific rumors that she faked a pregnancy to get married and then faked a miscarriage to get sympathy from Mike in her battle with his handlers. Basically she made off with a ton of money, fame, and never had to see what demon spawn might come out of her if she were to bear Tyson's young.

2. Tawny Kitaen, former wife of Chuck Finley - Tawny doesn't seem to know how to do something half-assed. When she went after Chuck, she sure had a well rounded attack. She attacked him physically with her arms, legs, and stilettos. Ouch. As if getting beat up by your wife isn't bad enough, she attacked him professionally by stating that he has cheated and used steroids for years and brags about knowing how to get around drug testing. Yikes, kind of biting the hand that feeds her. Then she killed his marketability by claiming that Chuck and his family liberally used the "N-word" and that he kept unregistered shotguns at his home. Tawny pretty much scored a triple-double in her ruinous impact on Chuck's life and we haven't even discussed how much money she probably bamboozled.

1. Jeni Lee Dinkel, soon to be former wife of Tom Dinkel - Well she hasn't taken any divorce money from him yet, or inflicted physical injury on him that we know of, but she wounded him in the worst way that a man can be wounded. She cheated on him with a 15-year old boy. Not a younger guy, but a boy. She would rather engage in sex with someone whom it is illegal to, than with her supposedly Alpha Male, stud athlete husband. Not only sex, but sodomy. I bet Tom never got much of a taste of that action. Tom will never go anywhere around his friends without them thinking about that little punk freshman in high school that his wife had an affair with. At least the guys above were either physically wounded, fooled by gold diggers, or not alive anymore. Tom Dinkel has to relive his shame every day with every future relationship.

Fight Club Lives On

Courtesy of With Leather. Thirty-five people. A nice circle. Some video tape. Two people brawling in the center. How could a Wednesday night get any better. The blood. The thrill. The testosterone. It's a shame they had to get arrested. Silly police always trying to put a stop to whatever interesting is going on. It's also great to see that Fight Clubs still live on, especially past the techie genre into more serious brawlers. I would like nothing more than to get something like this started in Sacramento. It would be a great thing for inner cities and would probably lower the crime rates by allowing people to settle their differences in a way that does not invovle guns or knives. Sadly city council types would never go for it.

Quick Flash 04/19/2007 - Annie Pelletier

• Cavs clinch second seed in East with win and Bulls loss. Lebron's season of coasting has paid off!
• Apparently smoking weed is no longer a negative in the NFL. It's good for keeping players calm enough to not attack their girlfriends until the pregnancies are over.
• Bonds inches closer. Snipers start to get ready.
• Chick famous for her fake boobs seems to think women can actually coach men. If she had ever seen a Celtics or Clippers game she would know that men can't even coach men.
• Rangers advance in NHL playoffs. Anyone catch that on VS?
• Mayweather talking himself into a UFC mega-fight? We can only hope.
• King Felix hurts arm in 1st. Millions of seasons hang in the balance, not to mention their extreme keeper brethren.

Woman Crowned Cell Block Champ

Samson Sor Siriporn believe it or not is a girl with that name. But the name is correct in alluding to her strength as she dispatched the reigning WBC light flyweight champ in the women's division to claim the title. What is unusual about this situation is that Siriporn (talk about a porn name) is an inmate in a Thai prison, a convicted drug dealer. I wonder if she got so good at fighting by battling for her life in the showers. What's interesting is that her boxing career could result in an early release from prison. The moral of the story: Keep fighting. Fight guards, inmates, whoever you can. Just get that title shot.

Pope meets Satan?

Boxing promoter Don King got a front row seat with Pope Benedict XVI (psst...it means "the 16th") on Wednesday. Much speculation has arose as to what exactly Don King was doing with the pope. Some theologians feel that it is a sign of an impending apocalypse since King is believed by many to be the Anti-Christ. A Yahoo! search of the terms "Don King" and "Satan" will yield close to 8 million hits. And as well all know from collegiate term papers and celebrity slander, if something is on the Internet, then it must be true.

I'd say don't jump to too many conclusions too quickly about Don King. It is possible that he was there to ask forgiveness for the man that he beat to death over owed money or the countless boxers that he has screwed out of millions of dollars over the years. After all he is in his mid-70s and does not have much time left so why not take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation and all of the beautiful forgiveness that comes with it. King can probably have his personal assistant say most of the Hail Marys for him anyway freeing him up to visit Rome and rob a few blind beggars along the way.

Holyfield unsure about things

Evander Holyfield expressed uncertainty after his recent naming in the Orlando steroids raid. But punch drunk as he is, he is probably unsure about a lot of things these days. like where to take a number 2, when it is appropriate to dance, and what keeps happening to all of his money. But one thing he should not be unsure about is that he used HGH. The evidence weighs heavily against him. An alias listed in the Orlando pharmacy record refers to an "Evan Fields" and the phone number listed on the page was answered by Holyfield when called. Then who can forget his retirement in 1994 from having a hole in his heart, coupled with a "miraculous" return a few years later. It's quite possible that the "miracle" was merely the organ regrowing and regenerating effects that HGH can cause, especially in an organ made of muscle like the heart. Combine this knowledge with his sudden rise back to the top of boxing after being washed up in 1993 due to the heart condition. All of a sudden he goes from retired to beating Mike Tyson twice, going the distance with Lennox Lewis (a much superior fighter and specimen), and fighting numerous other fights. The entire situation reeks of a desperate fighter whose body was failing him in 1993 that stumbled upon a fountain of youth called HGH that restored his injured heart, gave him back his speed, and restored his vitality. Holyfield should be confused about a lot of things these days after the amount of punishment he has taken during his career. But one thing that he should not be confused about is whether he used HGH and why everyone would think that he did.

Tommy Gunns down AIDS

Tommy Morrison has added AIDS to the lengthy list of opponents that he has defeated in his lifetime. At a glance, such a claim would seem impossible, until you take a look at what Morrison has already beaten in his life: Poverty, child abuse, hillbillyness, Rocky's shadow, George Foreman, Razor Ruddock, a vasectomy, crystal meth, prison rape, and the 650 other actors he beat out to play Tommy Gunn. The list of defeated opponents just goes on and on, but Tommy Morrison just keeps on winning. And now he is the first white man to beat AIDS and just the second male ever (Magic Johnson was the first) to defeat the dreaded disease. How could he do it? It was not that long ago that his T-cell count was down to a drastically low 18 (from a normal level between 500 and 1500), and now, just a few years later, to have no trace of HIV in his system is simply amazing. Tommy credits the strength of his blood (he does have John Wayne in his direct lineage) and a blood exercise program that he designed in prison in which he would gradually trade out his infected blood with another inmate's clean blood, all during regular prison rape style intercourse. To most guys in prison, anal rape is all about fun and play. But Tommy was different. While he had a good time too, he was there to work, and, with a little luck, save his life. Within a few years of following this anal rape exercise program, the HIV virus was completely gone from his system and spread to over 200 other prison inmates. Morrison was clean. Clean and victorious once again. The next opponent on Tommy's fight schedule is his own foolishness and stupidity, which has been one of his main adversaries his entire adult life. But for those of you counting Tommy out in this fight, I wouldn't bet on it.