Protocol dictates that upon finding out that a woman is claiming to be the father of your child, the first thing that should be done is to ask yourself if you actually slept with that woman. The second thing that should be done, according to Lionel Gates at least, is to go over to her place kick down her front door, break a couple of TVs, smack her around a little bit, kick down her bedroom door, while finally punching a hole in a wall for good measure. Collecting those three felonies will first of all show her who is boss and secondly show that kid, if it survives the pregnancy after a few more unannounced "visits" to the mama, that you want nothing to do with him and he will receive no part of your money. No part, whether that ends up being the NFL minimum salary for the next couple years or the $1.25 you make scrubbing toilets in prison. No word on whether Gates tried to blame the pregnancy on the time the woman walked by Tom Brady at a shopping mall. Thanks to PFT for finding this gem.
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