Quick Flash 04/05/2007 - Mia St. John

• Barry Bonds homers, within 20 of tying record. Guess BALCO showed up during the spring ready to contribute.
• Rip Hamilton and Tyrus Thomas get ejected from game for fighting. Somehow Ben Wallace didn't start it or even get involved.
• Tracy McGrady leaves game with back injury...No way! Most shocking event of the last hour!
• Extra Innings to continue to show MLB games on cable. Yet another case of John Kerry to the rescue. What? Another?
• Arenas' knee bends wrong way as Wizards season goes the same route.
• Mets sweep Cards while showing that age goes before beauty.
• Pirates sweep Astros while showing that beauty comes before age.
• Angels sweep Rangers while showing that good triumphs over sucks.

From the Grotesque Injury Department

Jorge Garbajosa landed awkwardly while defending a shot, displacing his ankle, breaking a bone, and damaging ligaments. Garbajosa could be out up to six months, severely hurting the Raptors playoff hopes this season and impacting them next year. For those not familiar with Garbajosa, he is the glue that holds the team together, providing outside shooting to keep big men from doubling Bosh, passing out of the post, and shot blocking on defense. Seems like these grotesque YouTube NBA injury clips are going around this year.

Cup Check of Death

This is as painful to write about as it was to read. A local Sacramento freshman was injured in a locker room "cup check" gone horribly wrong, leaving the freshman possibly without testicles and the seventeen-year-old junior facing felony assault charges with a nice civil suit sure to follow. The ridiculously powerful "cup check" in question has resulted in internal bleeding and infection. If the testicles need to be removed any surviving sperm must be frozen if the poor kid ever wants to reproduce. He must also undergo daily testosterone shots to maintain his hormonal balance which shouldn't be too hard to locate with Victor Conte and Barry Bonds running around the Bay Area. This is a doubly tragic situation in which one kid faces a life without much sexual activity as a carnival sideshow dubbed "Johnny No-nuts" or some cruel derivative, and the other faces a felony record with the possibility of jail time depending on how things turn out down the road. I'm sure that jail is not a fun place for testicle destroyers.