The Fall of Cro Cop

In a stunning turn of events Saturday night, Mirko Cro Cop, the pretty much unrivaled heavyweight MMA fighter, was knocked out by the relatively unknown Gabreil Gonzaga. This was not a fluke slippage knockout either. Gonzaga cranked Cro Cop in the head with a brutal leg kick which knocked him out so quickly that Mirko fell onto his own left leg where it looks like he may have dislocated his ankle and torn a knee ligament or two. With this win Gonzaga wins the right to battle Randy Couture for the UFC heavyweight title in August. It should be an interesting bout since Gonzaga is pretty new and Couture is pretty old, as in 43 years old. You gotta love it when an unknown fighter comes out and slays one of the giants of the sport, but that is the essence of MMA, that anything can happen at any moment (except for eye gouging, biting, etcc, but you get the point).

Fight Club Lives On

Courtesy of With Leather. Thirty-five people. A nice circle. Some video tape. Two people brawling in the center. How could a Wednesday night get any better. The blood. The thrill. The testosterone. It's a shame they had to get arrested. Silly police always trying to put a stop to whatever interesting is going on. It's also great to see that Fight Clubs still live on, especially past the techie genre into more serious brawlers. I would like nothing more than to get something like this started in Sacramento. It would be a great thing for inner cities and would probably lower the crime rates by allowing people to settle their differences in a way that does not invovle guns or knives. Sadly city council types would never go for it.

Flip Murray and the Wild West Adventure

Flip Murray had an interesting situation happen the other night. Coming home from the club. Got a pretty little lady meeting him at his house. Leaves the door unlocked so that she can come in. Probably had time to light a few candles and turn on some Jodeci. Then gunmen come to the door and start shooting at the house. Does Flip get his own gat and return fire, saving the lady from danger? No, he runs to a room and locks himself in while calling the police. The woman? She can fend for herself in times of danger. John Wayne would have been proud.

Virginia Tech Shootings

On a sad day in which a lone gunman wielding only two handguns killed 31 people and wounded 29 others at Virginia Tech today. The shootings took place at 7:15AM in a dorm and 9:00AM at a classroom building. Not to make light of the situation but how were classes even in session two hours after a shooting if the gunman/gunmen were still at large? Could the families of anyone who died at the classroom sue the school for wrongful death due to their failure to close classrooms with a gunman/gunmen on the loose? The reason I say gunmen is how could one guy who is not in an action movie hit 60 people with shots from two hand guns? Even firing on unarmed moving targets I feel as if a Navy Seal would have difficulty performing such a feet. Why else would VTech students be instructed to stay indoors for the rest of the day and away from windows if police do not believe that there is still at least another gun man at large?

What also should be taken into account is if college campuses and schools will become more like airplanes as a result of this tragedy? Will government take such severe steps as not allowing former criminals to attend schools? Will everyone entering or leaving a campus have their IDs checks, be searched, and not allowed to bring containers of fluid over 4oz into a dorm for fear of a explosive liquid? All of this and more is possible if lawmakers and the media jump the gun on passing laws in response to what happened. We could be becoming more of a police state, giving up freedom in the name of safety. Maybe one day criminals won't be allowed in sports arenas either? But one thing most people fail to realize is any legitimate terrorist threat will not have any sort of criminal record to allow him to pass through any background checks, making these measures essentially pointless. All in all a sad day whose aftermath is sure to be even sadder when its effects on government, privacy, and freedom are fully realized.

How to Deal With Fans by Carmelo Anthony

Chapter 1 - Maintain a presence of unapproachability with gaudy jewelry, expensive clothing, and surrounding oneself with large menacing gentlemen.

Chapter 2 - Ignore autograph requests. Only acknowledge those who are responding to one's own demands or make at least 7 figures. Everyone else is wallpaper.

Chapter 3 - Utilize large men under one's employment to swiftly and harshly punish those that would dare speak a disparaging word about oneself. Even slight transgressions should be dealt with harshly. Usually a punch is not enough. A face slam to the ground of a 7-11 may be necessary or even welcomed.

Chapter 4 - If necessary shove a $20 bill into the mouth of the fallen interloper to help him acquire swift transportation to a local hospital.

Chapter 5 - Instruct camera crew video taping one's daily actions for posterity to separate all footage that may be incriminating when shown publicly but hilarious when shown privately in the proper context of water pipes and herbal tobaccos.

Chapter 6 - Never let a snitch live.

Chapter 7 - Above all remember that money and status solve all problems.

Quick Flash 04/05/2007 - Mia St. John

• Barry Bonds homers, within 20 of tying record. Guess BALCO showed up during the spring ready to contribute.
• Rip Hamilton and Tyrus Thomas get ejected from game for fighting. Somehow Ben Wallace didn't start it or even get involved.
• Tracy McGrady leaves game with back injury...No way! Most shocking event of the last hour!
• Extra Innings to continue to show MLB games on cable. Yet another case of John Kerry to the rescue. What? Another?
• Arenas' knee bends wrong way as Wizards season goes the same route.
• Mets sweep Cards while showing that age goes before beauty.
• Pirates sweep Astros while showing that beauty comes before age.
• Angels sweep Rangers while showing that good triumphs over sucks.

Brotherly Love

How do you know that your brother really loves you? When he'll go the extra mile and help you with your homework? When he'll stay outside with you all night teaching you how to shoot a jumper? Or is it when he shoots a store clerk and kills a woman so that he can get a car to go see you play in the South Carolina Spring Game? Demetrius Pepper did just that in order to see his brother Nathan suit up in a meaningless scrimmage. If that passion for football runs in the family, Nathan is going to be one hell of a player. Hopefully the poor judgement is a non-hereditary trait.

Purdue's Lymon Gets Stabbed

Purdue WR Selwyn Lymon was stabbed in the chest after an altercation in the parking lot of Nick's Nightclub near campus. Lymon was initially listed in critical condition before stabilizing later in the day into fair condition. Poor Lyman, an up and coming talent, probably never saw it coming after leaving his native Fort Wayne, home of a murder rate nearly double the national average, for West Lafayette and its relative safety of engineers and yuppie children. Who would have thought that a stabbing would possibly happen with guys like this around him as opposed to guys like this? I guess you're not really safe anywhere.

Greece Returns to Middle Ages

Imagine a land where strength rules and the stronger man always wins. Imagine a place where men settle their differences with combat instead of litigation. Imagine a country where your allegiances in women's volleyball can and will get you killed. You don't need to imagine. That place is Greece, where the country recently suspended sports for two weeks after a fan was killed in a riot over women's volleyball. We all know that the best way to solve the country's problems is to get rid of the weaklings by placing all new born babies outside to see if they survive a night in the elements. That way everyone surviving would be strong and mighty and would have better things to do as an adult than fight over women's volleyball. Things like conquering neighboring nations and subjugating their peoples. And lets not forget forcing their women into harems.

Gates Shows How to Deal With an Unplanned Pregnancy

Protocol dictates that upon finding out that a woman is claiming to be the father of your child, the first thing that should be done is to ask yourself if you actually slept with that woman. The second thing that should be done, according to Lionel Gates at least, is to go over to her place kick down her front door, break a couple of TVs, smack her around a little bit, kick down her bedroom door, while finally punching a hole in a wall for good measure. Collecting those three felonies will first of all show her who is boss and secondly show that kid, if it survives the pregnancy after a few more unannounced "visits" to the mama, that you want nothing to do with him and he will receive no part of your money. No part, whether that ends up being the NFL minimum salary for the next couple years or the $1.25 you make scrubbing toilets in prison. No word on whether Gates tried to blame the pregnancy on the time the woman walked by Tom Brady at a shopping mall. Thanks to PFT for finding this gem.

HS Fight Club

Brawls broke out in the stands at Madison Square Garden during a high school basketball game. The kids proved that they learned from the Pistons-Pacers brawl and then some. There were girls fighting guys, police in riot gear, and even gun fire. When I go to a high school basketball game the first thing I always remember to bring is my heat. That way I'm safe in case I get attacked by high school thugs or NBA thugs.

Joey Porter ready for Bumfights

Joey Porter, mindful of the day when he will be penniless and living under a bridge like so many pro athletes before him with no skills off the athletic field, auditioned for Bumfights recently by getting into a brawl with Bungles OT Levi Jones. The fight started because the two don't like each other (of course a great reason for getting arrested while on vacation). Sadly Jones was not arrested, leaving the Bungles' streak of good behavior intact for the moment. In fact according to PFT, Jones got destroyed by Porter and did not even land a punch. So not only did Jones not get arrested. He was beaten up my a much smaller man, in public, who also happens to be a former division rival. Sad day for the Bungles. Good day for Porter who added another notch to his belt of AFC North players whose ass he kicked.

Brandon Short can duck really well.

Giants LB Brandon Short got a little more than he bargained for when he was shopping in a Greenwich Village jewelry store. Instead of picking up a promise ring or an apology ring or some foolishness like that, Short was a bystander in a semi-automatic weapons shootout. Short laid flat on the ground in the back of the jewelry store as police exchanged fire with the gunman. The gunman had robbed the bar next door earlier and killed two police officers and a bartender in the process. The gunman had snuck around town wearing a fake beard and carrying a large bag filled with two semi-automatic weapons and 100 rounds. The perpetrator finally went out shooting, falling after police fired 56 shots at him, many of which passed over Short as he lay on the ground in the back of the jewelry store. Moral of story: Don't trust a guy wearing a fake beard who is not on a movie set. He is likely trying to disguise his identity for the purposes of committing a heinous crime.

Tyrone Lewis vs Bloods

Tyrone Lewis, basketball player for NCAA tournament bound Niagara, has faced much scarier opponents than the #1 seeded Kansas Jayhawks. Lewis had to face the wrath of the infamous Bloods in high school after his sister testified against the gang. As a result, Lewis gave his class president's speech at his high school via close close circuit TV from an undisclosed location for his own protection. Additionally when Lewis travels to cities in which their is a high gang concentration, he is followed by police escorts. There are even some that joke that Lewis attended Niagara because the purple colors of the team is a neutral mix of the colors of the Bloods and Crips. The moral of the story is that gangs suck big time and it would be wise not to get involved with them unless you are confined to prison for a reasonably long length of time where such allegiances might provide you with the ever coveted shower safety that one requires to sit comfortably on a regular basis.

Return of the Slasher Flick

For those of you that thought the 80's slasher flick died after Friday the 13th Part 19, Halloween 13: Michael Myers in a Wheelchair, or Nightmare on Elm Street 10: Freddy Gets an Liver Transplant, you are in luck. The NHL, in collaboration with major Hollywood players, is working on a live action version of the 80's slasher movie on the ice at hockey games. The joint venture is designed to increase awareness of the NHL, create jobs for out of work special effects talent, and to finally bring gratuitous nudity to live sporting events. The pilot episode is shown below featuring Chris Simon of the New York Islander. The next episode is rumored to feature a rematch between Todd Bertuzzi and Steve Moore.