Oden & Conley - Together Again?

Word on the street is that the Blazers are trying to get another pick in the top ten so that they can select Ohio State PG and best friend of Greg Oden, Mike Conley. Some ways that this could be accomplished are by acquiring the Timberwolves #7 pick in some sort of Zach Randolph for Kevin Garnett deal. Another possibility would be trading Zach Randolph and one of thier surplus centers to the Grizzlies for the #4 pick and some surplus salaries that will go off the books soon. Either way I see Conley ending up with Oden as the Blazers have plenty of trade bait and any team out of the top 2 could be persuaded to make a deal.

Quick Flash 05/24/2007 - Kaitlin Sandeno

• The winner of last night's NBA game was...oh yeah, they didn't schedule a game so that they could really drag out the playoffs longer than they should.
• Apolo Anton Ohno wins Dancing With the Stars and he did it without tripping any Koreans.
• Clemens gets roughed up in minor league start. Must have been that 6-legged turkey he ate on the Madden Cruiser. Those things have a way of upsetting stomachs.
• Penn State players will clean up the stadium after home games this season. I always knew that those guys were convicts. Now they're starting to act like them.
• Yanks dump the loud mouthed Curt Schilling as the Sox get pasted.

Blazers Get Really Lucky

The Portland Trail Blazers came out of the draft lottery with the #1 pick despite having only a 5% chance of pulling it off. The Sonics came in 2nd. None of the other spots really matter as there are only two franchise players in this draft. Let's take a look at a few lineup scenarios.

Blazers

SF Martel Webster

PF Zach Randolph

C Greg Oden

SG Brandon Roy

PG Jarrett Jack

Bench Lamarcus Aldridge

Bench Sergio Rodriguez

Bench Fred Jones

Sonics

SF Rashard Lewis

PF Kevin Durant

C Nick Collison

SG Ray Allen

PG Earl Watson

Bench Luke Ridnour

Bench Damien Wilkins

Bench Mickael Gelabale

With this draft pick the Blazers could go in a bunch of different directions. They have a glut of young talent and could conceivably trade Zach Randolph, another young player, and a big man for an available talent such as Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O'Neal. The salaries would work out for either player and the teams will likely take a 20 and 10 guy like Randolph who when coupled with a young exciting player like Martel Webster, Jarret Jack, or Sergio Rodriguez and a big man like Jamal Magloire or Joel Pryzbilla would be very attractive to most any fan base.

The Sonics gain the flexibility to decide whether or not they really want to resign Rashard Lewis or use him in a sign and trade. Kevin Durant could fill in nicely at SF while they trade him for a defensive post player like Jermaine O'Neal, Drew Gooden, or David Lee.

Quick Flash 05/23/2007 - Anna Rawson

After a nearly two week hiatus. The Donkey Carnival returns with a vengence.

• Ducks eliminate Red Wings again, proving that a duck wearing a hockey mask will beat a tire with wings any day of the week.
• Spurs go up on Jazz 2-0 as a boring Finals inches closer and closer.
• Red Sox pound Yanks as they continue to dominate despite Manny and Drew still not hitting.
• Nats continue their improbable hot streak as they drop the lowly Reds.
  

Quick Flash 05/10/2007 - Dara Torres

• Warriors choke up in OT to fall two down to the Jazz as their Cinderella run looks over.
• Suns even things up as Nash is able to stop bleeding enough to play most of the game and to frighten Tony Parker.
• Stupidest article ever written. She should have her press pass revoked.
• Dale Earnhardt Jr. leaving DEI in some hick NASCAR feud that makes no sense.
• Roger Federer actually loses again. Some even think he is slumping.
• Zumaya out 3 months with "non" Guitar Hero related finger injury.

Quick Flash 05/08/2007 - Amy Taylor

• Pistons beat Bulls like Hitler took over Poland. Quick, embarrassing, and with no challenge.
• Rumors of a Dirk for KG swap this offseason? Rumors of a Phoenix jump up in this draft?
• Steve Smith gets a sick contract, does not celebrate by cold cocking teammate in film session.
• Red Wings advance to next round of playoffs. San Jose just could not put it together in sold out arena of crickets chirping.
• The traitor Carlos Boozer grabs 20 boards as the Jazz beat the Warriors.
• Chris Capuano shows his filthy, filthy stuff in shutout of weak Washington bats.

Steve Nash is a Cold-Blooded Bad Ass

Steve Nash has been showing a killer instinct this year that is just not expected from a seemingly laid back Canadien with really long hair. Even though the Spurs won yesterday, Nash likely scared the bejesus out of them as he sat on the bench profusely bleeding from his wounded nose as he never flinched or lost the killer gaze in his eyes. He came upon the bleeding nose after a collision with Tony Parker's head. Parker, however, was the one who went down to the grown in a heap of tears and pain, writhing around like a wounded school girl. Nash merely walked away like nothing had even happened. Not even a wince of pain. I would be worried to be the Spurs or Tony Parker going forward.

Quick Flash 05/07/2007 - Gisela Dulko

• Warren Sapp loses 40lbs. Could he be the new Trimspa spokesperson?
• Cavs drop the Nets as the supporting cast comes up big for Lebron.
• Brewers move to best record in baseball as Donkey Carnival predictions continue to do well so far.
• Tiger wins Wachovia as no one is surprised.
• Amaechi underestimated America in terms of its reaction to his coming out. Maybe what he really underestimated was our lack of ability to be shocked or really care about anything.
• Van Gundy to follow old mantra: When the going gets tough, quit.
• Atlanta CB get caught with guns and E, but at least he's not involved in dog fighting.

Mavs Crap The Bed

What else is there to say when your MVP caliber player comes up with only 8 points in one of the most important games of his career? Losing to an 8 seed after winning 67 games. Nice work fellas.

Quick Flash 05/04/2007 - Jackie Frank

• A great fake blog written by "Carl Pavano."
• Jazz beat Rockets to force game 7, AK-47 has to postpone plans for offseason "cheat" weekend.
• Artest gets 100 hours of community service and ten days of a work project. No word yet on whether the work project will involve setting up a community dog fighting center.
• Vick was connected to pit bull breeding at the dog fighting house via a website.
• Randy Moss not really the jerk he is made out to be.

Traylor Gets In Trouble For Something Not Involving Food.

Robert "Tractor" Traylor, besides proving that a fat and lazy guy can make millions just based on being 6'9" or taller, has also proved the theory that the only thing that should be laundered is dirty clothing and large bibs from all-you-can-eat buffets. Traylor is facing charges of laundering $4M of drug money for his cousin, who happened to be the greatest marijuana kingpin in the city of Detroit's history (which is probably the equivalent of breaking Hank Aaron's HR record). In addition to the laundering charges, Traylor is facing tax evasion charges for claiming a loss on the two apartment buildings purchased in his name with drug money from his cousin. Traylor is not considered a flight risk while awaiting trial as the law has gone so far as to allow him to travel to Spain to play basketball. They must know that all they need to find Traylor again is leave a plate of pork products and sugar cookies by the rear door of the jail.

Quick Flash 05/03/2007 - Tara Lipinski

• Beckett wins again as he moves to 6-0. Could this finally be the Beckett we've waited all these years to see for a full season?
• Red Wings win in OT to even the series against the Sharks.
• Suns finish off the Lakers. Kobe plans relaxing trip to Colorado...maybe not.
• Nuggets go down to Spurs, realize they won't get much better than they are now and just give up.
• Cardinals get swept and whooped by the Brew Crew with the team so shocked by the death of Josh Hancock that they are swinging the bats like drunk drivers.
• Brandon Roy wins Rookie of the Year as "Roy wins ROY" headlines abound.

Quick Flash 05/02/2007 - Erica Blasberg

• Warriors come close to sealing the deal with the Mavs, but the Mavs throw on the chastity belt at the last minute.
• Raptors win one as Jose Calderon has the game of his anonymous life.
• Yanks prove you can't buy your way past bad luck as Hughes joins the ranks of injured starters after he was hurt while in the midst of a no-hitter.
• Tribe pounds the Jays as C.C. picks up his 4th win.
• Cardinals continue tribute to fallen teammate by getting massacred just like he did, except they aren't drunk.
• Meshawn cut after Panthers draft younger version in Jarrett.
• Marcus Vick cut, lock up your teenage girls and stay away from McDonald's.
• Bucs collect another turd. And this one is too big to flush.

Quick Flash 05/01/2007 - Anna Kournikova

• Sharks beat the Red Wings in the third to go up 2-1 in the series.
• Cavs sweep Wizards as Lebron reminds fans how good things can be when he actually tries.
• Spurs go up 3-1 on the Nuggets. Camby starts thinking of injuries that he will sit out with during next season.
• Tracy McGrady dishes out 16 assists as Rockets top Jazz despite Tracy getting a mysterious back/abdominal injury again.
• Hallyday smokes the Rangers with his ace-like stuff. Yankees wonder why they didn't overpay for him a few years ago.
• Brandon Webb cuts down the Dodgers. Randy Johnson feels team can make playoffs if he can create time machine.

Quick Flash 04/30/2007 - Carlie Butler

• Pistons sweep aside the Magic as Darko looks for his Kleenex to wipe his tears of unrequited revenge.
• Heat get swept by the Bulls as Wade realizes the toll that the separated shoulder has taken on his ability to flop in the lane.
• Warrors have Mavs up against the ropes. It helps playing in probably the loudest arena I've ever heard.
• Cards pitcher dies in car crash after running into parked tow truck.
• Pats acquire Randy Moss for fourth rounder. Moss prepares New England Moon Dance.
• Darrell Jackson heading to the 49ers as the Seahawks lose interest in stockpiling massive quantities of above average WRs.

Quick Flash 04/27/2007 - Ashley Tappin

• Lakers come back to stun the Suns. Kobe actually showed up to play at this one.
• Yankees lose 6th in a row. Is that Joe Torre's seat getting a little bit hotter?
• Pistons go up 3-0. Five years ago this series would have already been over.
• Sosa hits 2 HRs. Did anyone check to see if Victor Conte was sneaking out of the stadium in a trench coat and a rubber nose and mustache?
• Smoltz to get $14M next season to come back for his 20th season. If he gets that much, how much would Roger Clemens get to play a season pitching only 5 1/3 innings per game from June until October?
• Idiots argue over whether it was really blood on Schilling's sock and not paint. Next thing on agenda is to check whether Jose Canseco actually used steroids or a fluid to trick people into thinking it was steroids to garner media attention.
  

Rick Carlisle Needs to Call a Lawyer

Rick Carlisle was given his walking papers by the Indiana Pacers yesterday, presumably for what is believed to be underachievement with the talent on the team. If Rick were smart enough to hire a halfway decent attorney, he might just have a case for negligence against Donnie Walsh and the great Larry Bird (what is it about former Celtic greats and screwing up as GMs?). Clearly the duo failed to exercise a reasonable standard of care in supplying Carlisle with players. After all, what reasonable person would trade Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington for Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy? Two incredibly athletic players for two slow stiffs that fall all over themselves turning the ball over. And on top of their ugly play on the court, the team and fans are exposed to their ugly appearances on the bench as well. Basically all-around duds. Come to think of it, maybe David Stern should be added in the suit for even approving such a one-sided deal.

Quick Flash 04/26/2007 - Tiffany Scott

• Mavs finally beat the Warriors. Cuban prepares scathing blog post directed at Nelson.
• Bonds cranks 741. Giants somehow have won 7 straight despite not being on the Senior Tour.
• Cavs beat Wizards again. Arenas and Butler choke in clutch as they combine for 0 points.
• Predictable Spurs beat unpredictable Nuggets as predictably Iverson and Anthony each take over 20 shots.
• Peavy K's 16 and still ends up with the loss. At one point he was one strike from ten K's in a row.
• Jarrod Washburn pitches 3-hitter. Did I really just type that?

Quick Flash 04/25/2007 - Jenny Adams

• Lakers get owned. Kobe must have given up to only drop 15 with the national spotlight on him.
• Raptors tie up the series and Bulls move up two games. Vince Carter wilted under the heat of boos and D-Wade can't flop in the lane anymore.
• Tigers drop one in extra innings due to...surprise, surprise, pitcher errors.
• Yankees fall to last place. HA HA HA. Way to manage that money.
• FBI investigating threatening letters to cheerleaders, some laced with insecticide. Hmm, I guess a little different than the normal requests for underwear and perfume samples.
• Army lied about Pat Tillman's death. What? The government not giving the public the full truth. Preposterous.
• Everyone wants the Lions pick. Or so the Lions say until Draft Day.
• Oden and Conley a package deal in the NBA? Sounds pretty unlikely, but if those hockey twins could pull it off then anything is possible.

Sam Mitchell Wins Coach of Year

In an interesting reversal of fortune, Sam Mitchell won the Coach of the Year Award for his work in turning around the Raptors from a lottery team to a division winner. What merits mention is not the teams turn around, but the fact that just a few years ago, Mitchell was picked as the worst coach by a vote of NBA players conducted in an issue of Sports Illustrated. Which brings up the question of whether the Raptors did so well because of Mitchell or in spite of Mitchell. Much of that will be answered in their first round playoff matchup against the hapless and streaky Nets, a team fractured by players that don't care (Carter), going through disturbing divorce proceedings (Kidd), or would rather hang with their gay male model buddies (Jefferson). We'll soon be able to tell if Mitchell is just another Doc Rivers "good coach" poser or if he is the real deal.