Soccer Moms Start Brainwashing

Soccer moms are quickly becoming as crazy as beauty pageant moms and hockey parents in terms of the brutalities that they are willing to visit upon their children in order for them to succeed in meaningless teenage contests. This mom was crazy enough to leave her daughter on the side of her freeway after her failure to recite lines about improving her performance correctly. Doesn't this sound pretty similar to the stuff that went on with American troops captured and tortured by the Vietnamese? Reciting over and over about how bad the US government was while being deprived of necessities like food, water, shelter,..and rides home from soccer tournaments. Let's hope that other crazy sports parents do not get a hold of any brainwashing techniques or it could be the first sign of the Apocalypse.

Man loses ear over soccer game.

Soccer matches outside the United States have once again proven to be entertaining. A man had his ear bitten off in a brawl after Greece lost to Turkey in a European Championships Qualifier. The best part was that this brawl did not even happen at the game or in the parking lot. It happened completely away from the stadium at a bar where men were watching the game on TV. The fight started because a group of Turkish fans were cheering each goal that their country scored. How much worse could the fight have been if it had happened in the stadium parking lot. Would the man's face have been bitten off Hannibal Lecter style? Would the attackers had eaten his organs as proof of Turkish soccer dominance over Greece? What has been the most intense thing to happen at an American soccer match? Well first of all we don't even have pro soccer so it probably happened at the grade school level when two dads brawled over the cut list of the super duper elite travel team their kids were trying out for.

Quick Flash 03/20/2007 - Kirsten Belin

• Russian swimmers are tougher than jellyfish. Even when they get stung in the face.
• US Soccer great Cobi Jones is retiring. Who? He's probably sick of getting hounded by the press everywhere he goes.
• Crazy hippies at Berkley getting naked in the trees to keep new stadium from getting built. From With Leather. These same people probably deny the crazy homeless guys in SF their change.
• Hooters is opening a new restaurant in Israel. One of the last things I ever expected to read. Are they going to importing chicks to work there? How will these ditsy blonds respond to bombings and gunfire?
• According to Peter King, Lance Briggs a candidate to get traded to Patriots.

Muslims angry with Canadien soccer

The Quebec Muslim community was outraged after a referee at a soccer match ordered a girl that was playing to remove her hijab (covering that females wear for decency purposes). There is irony in some sense that the referee ordering the 11 year old girl to remove the garment or leave the court was in fact a Muslim himself. This is not the first time a soccer player in Canada has been ejected for wearing religious headgear. There has been no word yet on how the Muslim community intends to respond but speculation abounds that their reaction is going to be explosive.

Beckham hurt, MLS to struggle?

David Beckham was injured over the weekend as he collided with an opposing goalkeeper, possibly doing ligament damage to his knee. If Beckham is seriously hurt and his planned migration to the Los Angelos Galaxy is put on hold, American soccer as we know it could end. No longer would the MLS be that bastion of profits and ratings if they were to lose Soccer's crowned prince. Plus their reality show would be pretty boring with Beckham on crutches the whole time and Posh shopping. Oh, never mind, it's going to be boring either way.