Quick Flash 04/06/2007 - Jana Kandarr

• Donovan stays and Huggins goes as musical coaches continues. One stays with a crap pool of players and the other leaves with a #1 class on the way. Bizzaro world.
• D-Mat debut. He wins. Stay tuned for further coverage of him using the bathroom with his famous reverse bowl swirl soft serve style dump.
• Arenas out 2-3 months. I wonder if he'll still break into the gym at 1AM to shoot jumpers in a wheelchair? Sure to be lots of blog posts though.
• Stupid catcher gets hit with ball to win game. I'm surprised he doesn't get hit with ball every time he's up to the plate.
• Cavs cheapskates like to ride in taxis and give out $.50 tips. They probably only had $100 on them.
• Jim Davis gets his tryout on Monday. Every old man's time comes I guess.
• Devin Hester first Madden player with 100 speed rating. Wonder if Pacman merited a 0 in discipline.

Keep D-Mat away from the Cell Phone

Daisuke Matsuzaka and other Japanese baseball players are at risk due to the sudden onslaught cell phone addiction striking Japanese citizens from 20-40. The affliction results in nearly one-third of this age group spending three hours or more a day using their cell phones for such things as online shopping and Internet browsing. The Red Sox should take a cue from the Detroit Tigers, who learned the hard way what can happen to a pitcher with an electronics fetish, and keep D-Mat away from his cell phone lest he develop the dreaded BlackBerry thumb or some other vicious malady of the modern life.

General Tso targets D-Mat

Daisuke Matsuzaka showed up at Red Sox camp looking like he put on a few pounds. He explained the weight gain by directing all fault to the evil General Tso, who has enslaved many around the world with his cunning flavor and clandestine obesity protocol. Matsuzaka claims to have been targeted by Tso shortly after signing his record deal with the Red Sox. He says things could have been much worse if he hadn't forked over the diet protection money to keep him in the General's good graces.