Quick Flash 05/24/2007 - Kaitlin Sandeno

• The winner of last night's NBA game was...oh yeah, they didn't schedule a game so that they could really drag out the playoffs longer than they should.
• Apolo Anton Ohno wins Dancing With the Stars and he did it without tripping any Koreans.
• Clemens gets roughed up in minor league start. Must have been that 6-legged turkey he ate on the Madden Cruiser. Those things have a way of upsetting stomachs.
• Penn State players will clean up the stadium after home games this season. I always knew that those guys were convicts. Now they're starting to act like them.
• Yanks dump the loud mouthed Curt Schilling as the Sox get pasted.

Quick Flash 05/10/2007 - Dara Torres

• Warriors choke up in OT to fall two down to the Jazz as their Cinderella run looks over.
• Suns even things up as Nash is able to stop bleeding enough to play most of the game and to frighten Tony Parker.
• Stupidest article ever written. She should have her press pass revoked.
• Dale Earnhardt Jr. leaving DEI in some hick NASCAR feud that makes no sense.
• Roger Federer actually loses again. Some even think he is slumping.
• Zumaya out 3 months with "non" Guitar Hero related finger injury.

Quick Flash 05/08/2007 - Amy Taylor

• Pistons beat Bulls like Hitler took over Poland. Quick, embarrassing, and with no challenge.
• Rumors of a Dirk for KG swap this offseason? Rumors of a Phoenix jump up in this draft?
• Steve Smith gets a sick contract, does not celebrate by cold cocking teammate in film session.
• Red Wings advance to next round of playoffs. San Jose just could not put it together in sold out arena of crickets chirping.
• The traitor Carlos Boozer grabs 20 boards as the Jazz beat the Warriors.
• Chris Capuano shows his filthy, filthy stuff in shutout of weak Washington bats.

Quick Flash 05/07/2007 - Gisela Dulko

• Warren Sapp loses 40lbs. Could he be the new Trimspa spokesperson?
• Cavs drop the Nets as the supporting cast comes up big for Lebron.
• Brewers move to best record in baseball as Donkey Carnival predictions continue to do well so far.
• Tiger wins Wachovia as no one is surprised.
• Amaechi underestimated America in terms of its reaction to his coming out. Maybe what he really underestimated was our lack of ability to be shocked or really care about anything.
• Van Gundy to follow old mantra: When the going gets tough, quit.
• Atlanta CB get caught with guns and E, but at least he's not involved in dog fighting.

Quick Flash 05/03/2007 - Tara Lipinski

• Beckett wins again as he moves to 6-0. Could this finally be the Beckett we've waited all these years to see for a full season?
• Red Wings win in OT to even the series against the Sharks.
• Suns finish off the Lakers. Kobe plans relaxing trip to Colorado...maybe not.
• Nuggets go down to Spurs, realize they won't get much better than they are now and just give up.
• Cardinals get swept and whooped by the Brew Crew with the team so shocked by the death of Josh Hancock that they are swinging the bats like drunk drivers.
• Brandon Roy wins Rookie of the Year as "Roy wins ROY" headlines abound.

Quick Flash 05/02/2007 - Erica Blasberg

• Warriors come close to sealing the deal with the Mavs, but the Mavs throw on the chastity belt at the last minute.
• Raptors win one as Jose Calderon has the game of his anonymous life.
• Yanks prove you can't buy your way past bad luck as Hughes joins the ranks of injured starters after he was hurt while in the midst of a no-hitter.
• Tribe pounds the Jays as C.C. picks up his 4th win.
• Cardinals continue tribute to fallen teammate by getting massacred just like he did, except they aren't drunk.
• Meshawn cut after Panthers draft younger version in Jarrett.
• Marcus Vick cut, lock up your teenage girls and stay away from McDonald's.
• Bucs collect another turd. And this one is too big to flush.

Quick Flash 05/01/2007 - Anna Kournikova

• Sharks beat the Red Wings in the third to go up 2-1 in the series.
• Cavs sweep Wizards as Lebron reminds fans how good things can be when he actually tries.
• Spurs go up 3-1 on the Nuggets. Camby starts thinking of injuries that he will sit out with during next season.
• Tracy McGrady dishes out 16 assists as Rockets top Jazz despite Tracy getting a mysterious back/abdominal injury again.
• Hallyday smokes the Rangers with his ace-like stuff. Yankees wonder why they didn't overpay for him a few years ago.
• Brandon Webb cuts down the Dodgers. Randy Johnson feels team can make playoffs if he can create time machine.

Quick Flash 04/30/2007 - Carlie Butler

• Pistons sweep aside the Magic as Darko looks for his Kleenex to wipe his tears of unrequited revenge.
• Heat get swept by the Bulls as Wade realizes the toll that the separated shoulder has taken on his ability to flop in the lane.
• Warrors have Mavs up against the ropes. It helps playing in probably the loudest arena I've ever heard.
• Cards pitcher dies in car crash after running into parked tow truck.
• Pats acquire Randy Moss for fourth rounder. Moss prepares New England Moon Dance.
• Darrell Jackson heading to the 49ers as the Seahawks lose interest in stockpiling massive quantities of above average WRs.

Quick Flash 04/27/2007 - Ashley Tappin

• Lakers come back to stun the Suns. Kobe actually showed up to play at this one.
• Yankees lose 6th in a row. Is that Joe Torre's seat getting a little bit hotter?
• Pistons go up 3-0. Five years ago this series would have already been over.
• Sosa hits 2 HRs. Did anyone check to see if Victor Conte was sneaking out of the stadium in a trench coat and a rubber nose and mustache?
• Smoltz to get $14M next season to come back for his 20th season. If he gets that much, how much would Roger Clemens get to play a season pitching only 5 1/3 innings per game from June until October?
• Idiots argue over whether it was really blood on Schilling's sock and not paint. Next thing on agenda is to check whether Jose Canseco actually used steroids or a fluid to trick people into thinking it was steroids to garner media attention.
  

Quick Flash 04/26/2007 - Tiffany Scott

• Mavs finally beat the Warriors. Cuban prepares scathing blog post directed at Nelson.
• Bonds cranks 741. Giants somehow have won 7 straight despite not being on the Senior Tour.
• Cavs beat Wizards again. Arenas and Butler choke in clutch as they combine for 0 points.
• Predictable Spurs beat unpredictable Nuggets as predictably Iverson and Anthony each take over 20 shots.
• Peavy K's 16 and still ends up with the loss. At one point he was one strike from ten K's in a row.
• Jarrod Washburn pitches 3-hitter. Did I really just type that?

Quick Flash 04/25/2007 - Jenny Adams

• Lakers get owned. Kobe must have given up to only drop 15 with the national spotlight on him.
• Raptors tie up the series and Bulls move up two games. Vince Carter wilted under the heat of boos and D-Wade can't flop in the lane anymore.
• Tigers drop one in extra innings due to...surprise, surprise, pitcher errors.
• Yankees fall to last place. HA HA HA. Way to manage that money.
• FBI investigating threatening letters to cheerleaders, some laced with insecticide. Hmm, I guess a little different than the normal requests for underwear and perfume samples.
• Army lied about Pat Tillman's death. What? The government not giving the public the full truth. Preposterous.
• Everyone wants the Lions pick. Or so the Lions say until Draft Day.
• Oden and Conley a package deal in the NBA? Sounds pretty unlikely, but if those hockey twins could pull it off then anything is possible.

Quick Flash 04/24/2007 - Cristie Kerr

• Mark Prior to have shoulder surgery. Seems like I did this blurb already.
• Leandro Barbosa wins 6th man award in a landslide. Now to the less obvious news.
• Pistons beat Magic and Houston beats Utah by the exact same score. Wonders never cease.
• A-Rod can do no wrong. Every time he swings he hits a homer or two, giving him 14 in 18 games.
• Canucks eliminate Stars in not-so-epic game seven on unwatched network.
• Denver looking to move up to Detroit's two slot to pick Calvin Johnson.

Quick Flash 04/23/2007 - Biba Golic

• Brandon Wright leaving UNC to turn pro. Guess it's Tyler's team now.
• Bonds hits 739 and 740 over the weekend. Has a guy ever even hit 740 homers in his softball career? Cheater or not, still amazing.
• Red Wings finish off the Flames who are left with going back to pathetically average Canada.
• Warriors take down the Mavs on their home court. An upset might just be brewing as long as Baron Davis can avoid the buffet and trainer's table.
• Nuggets upset the Spurs. Can Ginobli's bald spot save them?
• Nadal beats Federer as the great champ shows that he is weak on clay.
• Jeff Gordon wins to tie Earnhardt and honors him in victory. Tens of thousands of NASCAR fans took out their chew out of respect.
• Red Sox hit 4 straight homers to beat the Yanks. A-Rod makes final out with runner on base, prepares for boos when he returns home.

Quick Flash 04/20/2007 - Veronica Kay

• Silly Cleveland writer thinks impossibly long NBA playoffs are better than NCAA tournie.
• A-Rod hits his 10th to crush the hopes of the Tribe having a better bullpen than last year.
• Hill and Peavy move to 3-0 as Cubs and Pads both win.
• Kevin McHale can't get fired even if he tries. He even thinks the never sniffing .500 Randy Wittman is a good coach.
• Rams sniffing around Ricky Williams and the odor is not coming back pungent.

Quick Flash 04/19/2007 - Annie Pelletier

• Cavs clinch second seed in East with win and Bulls loss. Lebron's season of coasting has paid off!
• Apparently smoking weed is no longer a negative in the NFL. It's good for keeping players calm enough to not attack their girlfriends until the pregnancies are over.
• Bonds inches closer. Snipers start to get ready.
• Chick famous for her fake boobs seems to think women can actually coach men. If she had ever seen a Celtics or Clippers game she would know that men can't even coach men.
• Rangers advance in NHL playoffs. Anyone catch that on VS?
• Mayweather talking himself into a UFC mega-fight? We can only hope.
• King Felix hurts arm in 1st. Millions of seasons hang in the balance, not to mention their extreme keeper brethren.

Quick Flash 04/18/2007 - Sue Bird

• NBA ref suspended indefinitely after having a vendetta against Tim Duncan. Vendetta for what? Behaving well, playing hard, and setting a good example?
• Jason Schmidt is injured and on the DL, prime example #1 why the Giants paid ridiculous money to Zito over Schmidt even though Jason had the better numbers.
• A-Rod keeps rockin bombs as the end of the boos might be in sight...let's not jump to conclusions here, this isn't a tabloid.
• Nats wear VTech hats during game in tribute to the fallen.
• David Wrights hitting streak hits 24 games. Everyone knows what that means...24 shots!

Quick Flash 04/17/2007 - Becky Hammon

• Soriano injures hamstring. Cubs fans groans of curses can be measured in seismic activity all the way in Alaska.
• Big Unit close to coming back. He will make one more rehab start at the Scottsdale Active Senior Living Community before rejoining the Diamondbacks.
• Jays catch the injury bug but no fans are heard griping about curses. Either the Canucks are a little tougher that the Chi-towners or there are no Canadian baseball fans during the NHL playoffs.
• Grizzlies defeat Spurs, showing how good they can really be after tanking enough to clinch the best chance at the Oden/Durant lottery.
• Celtics show the same routine by beating the defending champion Heat after clinching the second best chance in the draft lottery.
• Bucs might be making a move to the #1 spot in the draft to select Calvin Johnson. Let's just hope that Gruden doesn't trade the rest of his draft picks to pull it off. We all know how that story works out.
• Agassi smashed Steffi in the face with his racket at a charity game. Looks like it was the right decision to retire with court vision like that.
  

Quick Flash 04/16/2007 - Martina Hingis

Back from a short hiatus and better than ever.

• Cedric Griffin arrested after he just couldn't make it through the night with his pants up.
• Jackie Robinson day was yesterday. What did he do again?
• Will Shields retires again, this time probably for good.
• Kobe drops 50 and Rickey Davis drops 42. One of those doesn't belong.
• Cleveland wins despite being one-hit and Seattle scores 14. Which was more unlikely?
• Oden, Conley, and Cook might be going pro, or maybe they're not, depending on whom you talk to.
• Georgetown duo enter draft but don't hire agents. Typical lack of commitment by American youth.
  

Quick Flash 04/11/2007 - Danica Patrick

• Imus story just won't go away. Please let Chris Henry kill someone just so I can see something else in the sports news. Howard Stern probably says worse twice a day.
• Red Sox bring the whooping stick to the Mariners. So much for that Jeff Weaver as an ace theory.
• A-Rod continues to cream the ball while getting over Jeter break up.
• Indians victorious in "home" opener in Milwaukee.
• Kevin Durant going pro. Wasn't this announced when he turned 14?
• Bonzi Wells quits Rockets. Looks like he should have signed that deal with the Kings when he had the chance.

Quick Flash 04/10/2007 - Franzi Van Almsick

• Tiger Woods can do incredible things with a golf club. Just ask Elin.
• DIII school shows no mercy in 56 run victory. John Kreese must be their sensei...err, coach.
• Crazy people in Ohio take their Buckeye love too far by naming their kid Tressel Hayes. Watch him go to Michigan.
• Could the 90's homer explosion have less to do with steroids and more to do with umpires? I'll ask Barry's batting helmet and see what it says.
• BYU football players break down door after getting pegged with water balloon. Maybe they were just seeing if the occupants had a few minutes to talk about their faith?
• The Mets can't lose and the Phillies can't win.
• Braden Looper pitches two hitter. End of world imminent.
• Nick Saban is an asshole. But that is old news.