Cup Check of Death

This is as painful to write about as it was to read. A local Sacramento freshman was injured in a locker room "cup check" gone horribly wrong, leaving the freshman possibly without testicles and the seventeen-year-old junior facing felony assault charges with a nice civil suit sure to follow. The ridiculously powerful "cup check" in question has resulted in internal bleeding and infection. If the testicles need to be removed any surviving sperm must be frozen if the poor kid ever wants to reproduce. He must also undergo daily testosterone shots to maintain his hormonal balance which shouldn't be too hard to locate with Victor Conte and Barry Bonds running around the Bay Area. This is a doubly tragic situation in which one kid faces a life without much sexual activity as a carnival sideshow dubbed "Johnny No-nuts" or some cruel derivative, and the other faces a felony record with the possibility of jail time depending on how things turn out down the road. I'm sure that jail is not a fun place for testicle destroyers.