Where Do They Get These Crazies?

In what is becoming a trend of weirdness, a 52-year-old Slovenian successfully swam the 3,272 miles of the Amazon river, possibly setting a new world record for distance. This on the heels of the guy who ran around the world recently and the nutjobs running across the Sahara. What is wrong with these people? Was there a recent escape at a high security mental institution? Don't these people have better things to do than risk their lives for meaningless feats? The guy who swam down the Amazon will just have his record broken by the first lunatic that decides to do it while pulling a tugboat at the same time with his teeth. And to think that he probably risked his manhood everyday in pirhana infested water just to think he's actually accomplished something, until the next idiot comes along and swims it back and forth. All in all a meaningless profitless task that at best merits an appearance as the last guy on Jimmy Kimmel or a book deal for a tome that no one will read. Foolishness. These people would have been much better off investing all of this fierce determination and focus into their educations and careers. Although to be fair the Slovenian guy was probably some manner of sheep ejactulator so swimming in the Amazon might actually be an employment upgrade for him.

Michael Phelps = Superman?

Michael Phelps showed that he might not be from this planet after winning seven gold medals in seven events at the World Championships. The dynamo, who bears a striking resemblance to one Clark Kent, set five gold medals among his seven gold medals. Sadly he was denied an attempt to compete for a eighth gold medal when the US team was DQed in a relay. I'm sure he will do okay with lovelies like Inge de Bruijn, pictured above, to keep him company. Oh and the $210,000 he won from his gold medal haul. Thus far it appears that Phelps' only weakness may not be Kryptonite, but consuming massive quantities of booze and trying to drive a motor vehicle. Phelps says that he is done with his drunk driving career but I find it hard to believe that someone so competitive could give up on something so quickly after a setback.

Quick Flash 03/30/2007 - Gabrielle Reece

• From KSK, women have needed to create a blog to keep up with Keith Olbermann's subpar performances. Better poor performances than out of wedlock children.
• Suns lose to Warriors behind 8 threes from J-Rich. Seems like some people are looking ahead to the playoffs.
• Browns looking at acquiring Trent Green. Nothing like a shell-shocked, too old QB to turn around a struggling franchise.
• Guy runs around the world, finds a wife while he does it. Usually guys are running around the world to lose the wife they have.
• Big Stein's daughter divorcing husband and heir to Yankees. He lasted 23 years in this "miserable" marriage just to jump ship now when he's 2 to 3 years tops away from running the most valuable team in all of sports. Where were his advisers is all I can say?
• Michael Phelps breaks another record. Might as well keep this line copied and ready to paste as long as this whole swimming event keeps going on.
• Mark McGwire's statue, made for the outside of Busch, is gathering dust in a warehouse. He could request to have it moved to the Cheaters Hall of Fame but he doesn't want to talk about the past.
• D-Mat loves his early 90's movies. He must not have a DVD player yet.
• WVU wins NIT to claim title as most mediocre team in country.

Quick Flash 03/29/2007 - Mia Hamm

• CBA coach suspended after Jewish slurs. Weird that one minority would bash others.
• Urbina gets 14 years. Kind of a light sentence for attacking guys with a machete and pouring kerosene on them, but then again those years are gong to be in a Venezuelan jail where he will likely be eating rats and sleeping in swamp water.
• Michael Phelps breaks another world record. With the hot streak Phelps is on he should start playing the lottery.
• OJ Mayo misses the game winner at the McDonald's All American Game. Probably too busy posing for his Hall of Fame bust.
• Sabathia hit by linedrive in last spring training game. Third time in three springs that he's been injured. At least this time it has nothing to do with being fat.
• Ukraine swim coach suspended after hitting daughter at Worlds. Ukraine is not weak! It is strong!

Quick Flash 03/20/2007 - Kirsten Belin

• Russian swimmers are tougher than jellyfish. Even when they get stung in the face.
• US Soccer great Cobi Jones is retiring. Who? He's probably sick of getting hounded by the press everywhere he goes.
• Crazy hippies at Berkley getting naked in the trees to keep new stadium from getting built. From With Leather. These same people probably deny the crazy homeless guys in SF their change.
• Hooters is opening a new restaurant in Israel. One of the last things I ever expected to read. Are they going to importing chicks to work there? How will these ditsy blonds respond to bombings and gunfire?
• According to Peter King, Lance Briggs a candidate to get traded to Patriots.