Buckeye Player Coaches for Spring Game

Sometimes they call point guards the floor general. Now Mike Conley can actually say that he has been a general as he has been slated to coach one of the Ohio State teams during the annual spring football game. Jamar Butler is slated to coach the other team. The other players, sans Oden, will be assistant coaches. Conley is planning a barrage of trick plays from Madden and is already working on the halftime speech.

IF Greg Oden stays...

In what could shape up to be one of the biggest stories of the next few months, Greg Oden is actually contemplating going back to Ohio State for another year in order to secure a national championship. Though he has said nothing other than "no comment" himself, his best friend Mike Conley has opined that he might just come back so that they can win another title together. If Oden stays, likely mid-first rounder Mike Conley would surely stay as would Big Ten 6th man of the year, Daequan Cook.

Next years lineup could be much more fearsome than this year's version despite the loss of future NBA player Ron Lewis and former McDonald's All American Ivan Harris. Oden could easily become a 22 points/10 boards/5 blocks type of player if he plays with the energy he did in the title game and moves as quickly on both ends. Conley should be around 14 points/7 assists/3 steals if he continues to improve. Let's not forget Daequan Cook, who, before Oden returned, scored over 20 points 6 times. Look for him to average 17 points/6 rebounds/2.5 threes when he is inserted into the starting lineup.

The cupboard is not bare behind these three either. Jamar Butler will be back as a senior to start at SG and backup Conley at PG. David Lighty, defensive specialist, should improve his game on the offensive end as well. Othella Hunter should bulk up some to withstand the pounding in the paint and increase his blocks to about 2 bpg. Additionally 6-10 Vanderbilt transfer Kyle Madsen will be eligible to play providing additional depth in the front court with Matt Terwilliger.

The incoming class is not slouch to the Thad Five either. Kosta Koufos is a 7-1 center that is more in the Nowitzski mold than Oden. The two of them could play an interesting high post-low post game when both are on the floor at the same time, in addition to eliminating all drives to the basket with their shot blocking prowess. Expected to be the 6th man off the bench next year is Jon Diebler, who finished his career as Ohio's all time leading scorer with over a 40 ppg average his senior year. He will without a doubt be among the Big Ten's 3pt leaders next season.

The lineup should look like this;

SF Daequan Cook David Lighty
PF Othella Hunter Matt Terwilliger/Kyle Madsen
C Greg Oden Kosta Koufos
SG Jamar Butler Jon Diebler
PG Mike Conley Jamar Butler

I don't think that there will be a team in the country that could compete with this rotation boasting at least 4 future NBA players including 3 possible top ten selections. Let's just hope that Oden stays.

Lament on an Ohio State Loss

I don't even know how to respond to what happened. If the Buckeyes would have only hit 3 or every 10 three-pointers they would be the national champs. But alas a ridiculous cold streak hit and all I am left with is the words of those that have gone before me...

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

- Langston Hughes

Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven.

- Henry Ward Beecher

In a real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.

- Winston Churchill

The only glimmer of hope from this loss is that Greg Oden might decide that he has unfinished business and might stay for another year, playing every game like he played the last one of his freshman year. Along with the hope of two future top ten classes coming in with plenty of versatile big men. And Florida should be decimated next year. Thankfully.

An Epic Greek Battle Between the Gator and Buckeye Armies

A young King Donovan is shown as a gritty youth basketball player, never giving in to superior players and triumphing with guile and wit. As a young adult he is shown leading a regiment of Friars as they slayed larger armies utilizing brilliant battle tactics. Young soldier Donovan is eventually made King due to his fierce competitiveness and battle strategy.

Years later a group of Buckeye messengers arrive at Gainesville, demanding Florida’s submission to King Matta, ruler of Ohio State. Outraged and flabbergasted by their demands, King Donovan kicks the Buckeye messenger down a bottomless pit screaming “Gators” while looking quite ripped in fur covered underwear. The rest of the Gator warriors descend upon the rest of the messengers, throwing them down into the pit with equal zeal.

King Donovan seeks the approval of the Oracle Selection Committee to face the Buckeye hordes, but the corrupt Committee does not approve their request, forcing King Donovan to make a choice between fighting without approval or getting conquered. King Donovan decides to bring a 7 man rotation as a “personal escort” to face the Buckeyes on the field of battle, that way skirting the approval of the Oracles while still fighting the Buckeye hordes. King Donovan has a kinky freaky sex scene with Queen Donovan before he heads off to certain doom against the monstrous giants of the Buckeyes. Along the way to Atlanta, a crippled Gator tries to join the team by his inability to get his hands up on defense forces King Donovan to refuse his offer to help.

The two armies encounter each other on the battlefield in Atlanta. Florida Captain Brewer approaches Buckeye Lieutenant Lewis.

Lewis: Surrender your arms and pledge allegiance to King Matta and your King and men will be given land in all of Florida and reign as generals.

Brewer: Never. We Gators have descended from Spurrier himself. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender. Taught that death in the athletic field is the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Gators: the finest defenders the world has ever known

Lewis: What of the fate of your women. They will be slaves.

Brewer: Clearly you don’t know our women. We might as well have marched them up here.

Lewis: Fool! Our 3-point bricks will blot out the sun.

Brewer: Then we will fight in the shade!

A fierce battle ensues in which the Gators handle the regulars of the Buckeye army. Alarmed, King Matta counters with a troupe of three elite McDonald’s All Americans that are considered immortal. Donovan’s warriors beat back the immortals behind their own warriors including a ferocious androgynous one with a wild mane and freakish mask of a face that entrances the enemy with his bizarre dance-like gesticulations.

Stunned at the lack of success of his immortals, King Matta send forth his greatest warrior, a large beast like creature twice as tall as any man with a face that could make it 1000 years old. The beast is only known as Oden. The beast tears threw any defense offered by the Gators, nearly turning the tide of the battle by itself. However an awkward stumble causes the Oden beast to stumble, allowing King Donovan to mortally wound him. Matta then gains secret playbook knowledge from the crippled Gator castaway. However King Donovan's brilliant perimeter defense rebuffs this long range attack favored by the sharp shooting Buckeye army, rendering them ineffective.

Though he suffered serious losses, King Matta still seeks a surrender from the Gator forces. King Donovan feigns to kneel in fealty to King Matta. All of a sudden he exposes his brilliant ruse by launching a spear that misses killing King Matta by the sweat of his brow, even knocking the bubble gum out of his mouth and onto the floor. The Buckeye army retreats toward the setting sun as the Gators rejoice by cutting down the net-like standards that the army left behind.

After the battle, the Gators lose many key soldiers to the next level, where warriors live on and play after their time in this arena is done. However they are renewed with the vigor that they can conquer any army as long as the fearless King Donovan does not leave for the city-state of Kentucky.

Ohio State - Penn State "Game"

Before I start this blog I have to point out that there is a high likelihood that Greg Oden is Lebron James's son. How is this possible you ask? Easy. In his thirties Lebron has Oden. At this point Lebron is bored out of his mind with the competition offered by the NBA. He realizes that the only competition for him has to come from his own bloodline. He fathers Oden, possibly with Serena Williams, then spends twenty minutes or so hammering out a time machine. He uses this time machine to go back to the past and leaves super baby with the Odens who are childless and welcome the boy on their doorstep. They raise him as their own and when he matures, a young Oden will provide a suitable rival for James in his prime. Look at their faces. There is no way that this is not true.

20;00 - The horrid snowstorm reeking havoc in the Midwest makes me quite happy that I relocated to the west coast in October. You know the weather is bad when the lead photo is a group of college kids engaged in a savage snowball fight.

19:50 - Announcers point out that Thad Matta is a good recruiter. Perhaps later they will point out that Greg Oden is tall, the ball is round, and that Penn State is located in PA.

19:43 - Penn State opens in a zone, apparently daring Ohio St to shoot the three. I'm smelling 90 points from the Bucks today.

19:19 - A shot of the crowd shows that there are no fans in attendance. Maybe Penn St. will look back and blame the pasting to come on the weather keeping their rabid basketball fans home.

19:03 - Jamar Butler bricks a three off the opposite side of the rim. Talk about a hit or miss shooter. I hope that next year Matta just makes him the sixth man and finally starts Daequan Cook.

18:31 - Butler knocks down a three from the same spot that he just horribly missed from mere seconds ago.

17:21 - At this point OSU has given up a big dunk off an offensive board and not even worked the ball into the lane on offense. Some sharpening up needs to occur before the few fans in attendance get too riled up.

16:17 - After a wide open three by PSU, the Bucks finally try to get the ball into the paint with a failed alley oop to Oden.

15:55 - Apparently some PSU player from Columbus has a big grudge against Ohio State for not recruiting him and really wants to have a big game. Jamelle Cornley is his name. We'll see how that works out for him.

15:26 - Another shot of the crowd reveals that just about everyone is a drunken fraternity guy with Jack Daniels courage that is impervious to the weather. I wonder how much vomit will be in the bathroom urinals at halftime? I wonder how many guys will pass out in the snow and freeze to death. Happens more than you think. I once had a girlfriend that tried her best to accomplish this feat.

15:25 - OSU is on a 9 game winning streak and PSU is on a 9 game losing streak. Something has to give...or maybe not.

14:59 - One of the announcer admits to being crazy about Daequan Cook and being in love with his game. Quite appropriate of Valentine's Day but here's to hoping that those feelings go unrequited off the court.

14:17 - Bucks fail on two consecutive possessions to make the entry pass to Oden in the post. Seems like a point to go over in practice.

14:11 - Cook drops an awesome 3 from behind the backboard in the corner with a guy on him. I'm so glad he's staying for at least another year. Butler better be on that bench next year if anyone wants to believe that the coaching staff has any sense.

13:54 - Matt Terwilliger checks in for OSU, or the 6'8" Opie Taylor as I like to call him.

13:50 - One of the announcer comments that a lot of the time young people think that they are better than the playing time they receive. I wonder if he feels the same way about the games he gets assigned to call.

13:50 - Same announcer mispronounces Opie's name twice. Looks like someone forgot to read the media guide while he was stuck on the tarmac due to the snowstorm.

13:03 - Cook drains another three when Butler actually passes the ball on his way to the basket. Maybe he'll figure out that what happened wasn't a fluke and try that again.

DirecTV crashes on me. What are the odds, first game I blog, CRASH.

Halftime - My signal is back and Ohio St is up 40-19. Looks like I missed some scoring. I wonder how Jamelle Cornley's vendetta quest is going. Maybe he'll poison Oden and Cook at halftime. The two have combined to score one point less than the entire Penn St team.

19:51 - PSU opens with a three.

18:55 - Oden butter fingers another rebound, which I see him do at least 4 times a game. He really isn't that great of a rebounder. Maybe it's because he's Lebron's son. Maybe it's the cast on his hand.

18:02 - A PSU player rips the ball from Conley on a drive and is so surprised to get a steal that he nearly throws the ball out of bounds while trying to hit the lead man.

17:10 - Oden hits again from inside. He is twice the size of the guy "covering" him.

16:43 - An Oden block results in a Conley fast break. I'm betting I'll see a lot more of that this season.

15:50 - Ron Lewis nails a three from the top of the arc. OSU has too many shooter (even if you count Butler) for PSU to play zone. They have no chance athletically to play man. Looks like they should have brought guns.

15:41 - Bill Walton joins the game online as a phone in interview. All I can ask is why.

15:11 - Walton astutely points out that there is no snow in San Diego where he is calling from.

14:59 - Walton states that the best part of college BB is going into another team's arena and stealing their heart with dominant play and making them into your own fans. A little more cutthroat than I'm used to from Walton.

13:48 - Walton rambles about Wooden only wanting star players to shoot the ball. And if they weren't getting the ball, subs would come in and take out the other players. Seems to go against everything I've read about Wooden and team basketball. I'm guessing that Walton is just in love with the sound of his own voice at this point.

13:14 - Alley oop to Oden. Why can't they do that every play? I don't see any reason why that wouldn't work. He gets a garbage tech on him for hanging on the rim for 1.2 seconds. Walton is still on the phone and rambling about something. (note: the tech was from throwing the ball)

12:48 - Walton complains about Oden's left handed free throw form. He's making over 65% as a C with his off hand. What is there to complain about?

12:09 - Walton finds a way to bring the Enron case and the "shafted" victims into this conversation. Don't ask me what this has to do with the game or basketball in general.

11:59 - Walton brags about being made the highest paid player in the history of all sports when he was drafted. Who volunteers stuff like that without prompting? He'll probably bash the lack of humility in today's players with his next breath after he gets done uselessly self promoting his accolades. The announcers state that only Walton could work Enron into the broadcast. Walton takes this as a compliment and finally hangs up.

11:31 - PSU nails a three as the bass from the jackasses living below me rumbles through my floor. What is it with 16-22 year old guys and the need to play bass at obscene levels? Is the bass representative of a need for phallus length? I'd love to see a study done on this.

11:09 - PSU nails another one to cut the lead to 13 after a 12-2 run. The Bucks seem to get bored when they are ahead and let teams get back into it.

10:58 - Butler drops an easy pass out of bounds to give it back. Great way to stop that PSU run Jamar.

9:32 - Oden hits a jump hook with his right from 12ft out. Wow. With the brace on.

7:26 - Cornley gets a bucket inside over Oden. I wonder if his revenge is complete. Can he retire to a normal life in the suburbs? Only time will tell.

7:07 - Oden picks up his 3rd foul. PSU down by 13. Guy in the crown has a sign that says"O$U". Really clever. He must be a satire major. Only guy getting paid on this team is Matta and he needs the money for all the deodorant he needs to just leave a normal existence. He sweats more than I do. That's saying something.

5:40 - OSU jacks up another off the dribble three and misses. PSU 3 makes it an 8 point game. OSU timeout.

4:59 - More bass rumbles through my floor. If I close my eyes, maybe I'll think I'm at the game.

4:58 - Maybe not.

4:19 - Conley tips it away and jets forward to get hammered on his way to the basket. Wow is he fast.

3:35 - OSU jacks up another early 3 and nearly gets it stuck between the rim and backboard.

2:59 - Buckeyes miss a layup in transition off of an Oden block.

2:46 - PSU three. 6 point game. Commercial shows a clip of Dukie V at the Duke-BC game after this one. He is wearing a yellow afro wig and is in the BC student section. How could they let that wolf in sheep's clothing among them? As if he would ever root for anyone but Duke. He is probably poisoning them to keep the crowd noise down during the free throws.

2:20 - The ball is tipped into the back court looking like an easy PSU basket. Until Conley zooms by and scoops up the ball in the blink of an eye.

2:03 - Bucks just miss twice inside from point blank but at least they get the board.

1:39 - Buler bricks from 8 feet out and starts a fast break the other way. 4 point game. I imagine Matta is sweating.

1:13 - Conley hits a floater off of a pick and roll. He is a true clutch player.

0:50 - PSU guy nails an off balance three to make it a three point game. Where did the Buckeyes go the last ten minutes? They sure aren't playing like the #2 team in the country. There will be many drunks in the snow later tonight if PSU can pull off this upset.

0:20 - Stupid Penn St guy fouls Butler and puts him on the line. An 89% free throw shooter, FT shooting is all that he is good at. Should have backed off of him, Butler would have for sure fired up a three. Butler sinks one but misses the second.

0:11 - PSU guy draws foul inside on Oden to get to the line. He makes them both. PSU timeout.

0:10 - PSU foul on inbound putting Lewis at line. PSU guy tried a Divac like flop to draw foul. Lewis misses.

0:03 - PSU guy misses three to win game as time expires. Whew! OSU really escaped tonight. They have to play these guys again next week. Hopefully it turns out better. So much for my 90 point prediction. More like 64-62. Scary that they got so bored that they almost blew it. Cornley actually had the ball down low and could have won it with a make and free throw but instead kicked it out for the three.