Monday, February 26, 2007

Rulon Gardner, Man of Steel

Congress has recently voted on a new solution to ending the war in Iraq. Send Rulon Gardner over there. Gardner, generally believed to the be fruit of a secret military superman gene manipulation program, has proven himself beyond measure to be indestructible and impervious to death, making him the perfect solution to the Iraqi problem. Gardner first proved his mettle by beating Russia's own militarily engineered superman, Alexander Karelin, who had a previous 13 year string of dominance over American superman program creations. Gardner later proved his immunity to ice and amputation during what he described as a "leisurely walk through the Wyoming wilderness." The Germans then tried to test his mettle by running into him with a car while he was off of his strong foot base and on the relative insecurity of his motorcycle. With that failed attack, the Koreans shot down a plane that Gardner was in this weekend, attempting to either kill him by drowning or by the sharks that they introduced to the waters of Good Hope Bay. Gardner once again proved impervious and is looking forward to his deployment in Iraq, where without a doubt the Iraqi insurgents will try to kill him with blowing sand and dehydration. Hollywood insiders say that a script is in the works based on Gardner's life with the tentative title of Invincible. Rumors swirl that Mark Wahlberg is slated to star as Gardner.

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