Tyler Hansbrough has a reason for being light on his feet

Tyler Hansbrough has finally revealed the training secret that has resulted in his remarkably dainty and nimble feet despite being a "rugged post player" with brutish caveman-like strength. It is a simple formula: pedicures. It is something housewives have known about for years as they strove to come up with ways to spend more time walking around malls and shopping centers without putting undue wear and tear on their knees. The logic is simple, the reduction of nail size reduces overall foot weight and the polish adds an aerodynamic surface to increase foot speed. Word on the street is that Maurice Clarett is currently utilizing this technology to prepare for the 2007 Prison Relays, the 2007 Miss Toledo Correctional Institution Pageant, and the private workouts that he has scheduled in 2009 for AFL2 teams and the Cincinnati Bungles.