Thursday, March 22, 2007

LaRussa is turning into a wuss.

Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa was arrested last night after being found passed out at the wheel of his car with it still running and in gear. Police arrived at the scene and waited while LaRussa slept through two traffic lights without moving. They then knocked on the window repeatedly and failed to get a response from the Cards' skipper. After finally waking him up it was discovered that the only thing keeping the car from being in motion was that he happened to pass out with his foot on the brake. LaRussa's blood alcohol level was measured at a 0.93.

How in the heck do you pass out at the wheel of a running car with only a 0.93? Unless he was passed out for hours and sobered up while waiting for the cops to arrest him or was taking one of the many sleeping pills that result in bizarre incidents. That is just a small and weak amount of alcohol to cause such an embarrassing mishap. I meant this guy in Lithuania was driving a semi with 18 times the legal limit of booze still in his bloodstream and was still able to function when he should have been long dead. And then there is LaRussa with his lousy 4 beers in one hour (speculation on my part) performance that not only caused him to pass out but he probably peed his Depends as well. Maybe even some poo but I won't be the one to ask that question at his next press conference (The Donkey Carnival does not yet have a press credential).

This incident underscores a disturbing trend in LaRussa's behavior in which he is starting to show his true colors as a wuss instead of a genius. Coupled with that silly tribal tattoo that he got a few weeks ago to fulfill a promise he made to his daughters (since when does a man of genius take orders from 15 year olds?), where LaRussa's behavior could end up next is anyone's guess. Will he get frosted tips? Will he get caught at a LFO concert buying 14 year olds beer and cigarettes while trying to get invited to the spring formal? Will he start shopping at only Abercrombie and American Eagle? Does he vote on American Idol and watch America's Next Top Model? A once great man has fallen out of manhood and into boyishness so quickly it seems like an episode of The Twilight Zone with Tony LaRussa becoming more like noted wuss Daniel LaRusso everyday.

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