The NFL has suspended Pacman Jones for the entire season and Chris Henry for 8 games for violations of the league's behavior policy. It should be noted that both suspensions are without pay and could force posse layoffs and downsizing to offset the lack of cash flow. Residents of Nashville, Cincinnati, and Las Vegas are being warned by city officials to keep their women and children off of the streets after sunset until the suspensions have lapsed and the two players are once again gamefully employed. If one does encounter both of them simultaneously, do not make direct eye contact or make any swift movements. Lay on the ground motionless and play dead until something shiny catches their eye and they scamper off.