Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Top 7 Worst Athlete Wives

7. Juanita Jordan, former wife of Michael Jordan - Though Juanita never attacked MJ, severely slandered his name/manhood, or attempted to sever any sexual organs, she did make off with over $150M in the divorce settlement, the largest celebrity divorce settlement in history. Even a guy who wagers $100k on a hole of golf with a buddy cannot be happy about losing that much loot. For that she gets on this list.

6. Jean Strahan, former wife of Michael Strahan - Apparently not satisfied with the $15.5M, house, and other goodies that she received in the divorce settlement, she stooped to selling off many of Michael's personal effects, including but not limited to Pro Bowl memorabilia, game worn equipment, and TVs. All for rock bottom prices to whomever showed up to the garage sale. At least she left the plasmas intact.

5. Deidra Lane, former wife of Fred Lane - Deidra shot and killed her husband with two close range gun shot wounds to the head and chest. How can this woman only be ranked in the #5 slot when she ended up killing her husband? Odds are that she put him out of a life of misery, not to mention the misery he missed out on that we all know as divorce, that brutal demon that steals at least half of what a man worked his whole life for in the blink of an eye. And it's not like he never saw the shooting coming, he did marry her knowing that she once robbed a credit union.

4. Joumana Kidd, former wife of Jason Kidd - According to court documents filed by Jason, his crazy ex-wife kicked, hit, punched him and exhibited extreme cruelty by throwing objects at him. To add insult to injury, she even tracked him by placing GPS devices on his car and stealing his prepaid cell phones to stalk his mistresses. Basically a total downer on all fronts.

3. Robin Givens, former wife of Mike Tyson - Well she obviously couldn't beat him up, but she did manipulate Iron Mike until he didn't know whether he was coming or going. Then again that might be his normal mental state. Also there are the horrific rumors that she faked a pregnancy to get married and then faked a miscarriage to get sympathy from Mike in her battle with his handlers. Basically she made off with a ton of money, fame, and never had to see what demon spawn might come out of her if she were to bear Tyson's young.

2. Tawny Kitaen, former wife of Chuck Finley - Tawny doesn't seem to know how to do something half-assed. When she went after Chuck, she sure had a well rounded attack. She attacked him physically with her arms, legs, and stilettos. Ouch. As if getting beat up by your wife isn't bad enough, she attacked him professionally by stating that he has cheated and used steroids for years and brags about knowing how to get around drug testing. Yikes, kind of biting the hand that feeds her. Then she killed his marketability by claiming that Chuck and his family liberally used the "N-word" and that he kept unregistered shotguns at his home. Tawny pretty much scored a triple-double in her ruinous impact on Chuck's life and we haven't even discussed how much money she probably bamboozled.

1. Jeni Lee Dinkel, soon to be former wife of Tom Dinkel - Well she hasn't taken any divorce money from him yet, or inflicted physical injury on him that we know of, but she wounded him in the worst way that a man can be wounded. She cheated on him with a 15-year old boy. Not a younger guy, but a boy. She would rather engage in sex with someone whom it is illegal to, than with her supposedly Alpha Male, stud athlete husband. Not only sex, but sodomy. I bet Tom never got much of a taste of that action. Tom will never go anywhere around his friends without them thinking about that little punk freshman in high school that his wife had an affair with. At least the guys above were either physically wounded, fooled by gold diggers, or not alive anymore. Tom Dinkel has to relive his shame every day with every future relationship.

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