Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Ohio State - Penn State "Game"

Before I start this blog I have to point out that there is a high likelihood that Greg Oden is Lebron James's son. How is this possible you ask? Easy. In his thirties Lebron has Oden. At this point Lebron is bored out of his mind with the competition offered by the NBA. He realizes that the only competition for him has to come from his own bloodline. He fathers Oden, possibly with Serena Williams, then spends twenty minutes or so hammering out a time machine. He uses this time machine to go back to the past and leaves super baby with the Odens who are childless and welcome the boy on their doorstep. They raise him as their own and when he matures, a young Oden will provide a suitable rival for James in his prime. Look at their faces. There is no way that this is not true.

20;00 - The horrid snowstorm reeking havoc in the Midwest makes me quite happy that I relocated to the west coast in October. You know the weather is bad when the lead photo is a group of college kids engaged in a savage snowball fight.
19:50 - Announcers point out that Thad Matta is a good recruiter. Perhaps later they will point out that Greg Oden is tall, the ball is round, and that Penn State is located in PA.
19:43 - Penn State opens in a zone, apparently daring Ohio St to shoot the three. I'm smelling 90 points from the Bucks today.
19:19 - A shot of the crowd shows that there are no fans in attendance. Maybe Penn St. will look back and blame the pasting to come on the weather keeping their rabid basketball fans home.
19:03 - Jamar Butler bricks a three off the opposite side of the rim. Talk about a hit or miss shooter. I hope that next year Matta just makes him the sixth man and finally starts Daequan Cook.
18:31 - Butler knocks down a three from the same spot that he just horribly missed from mere seconds ago.
17:21 - At this point OSU has given up a big dunk off an offensive board and not even worked the ball into the lane on offense. Some sharpening up needs to occur before the few fans in attendance get too riled up.
16:17 - After a wide open three by PSU, the Bucks finally try to get the ball into the paint with a failed alley oop to Oden.
15:55 - Apparently some PSU player from Columbus has a big grudge against Ohio State for not recruiting him and really wants to have a big game. Jamelle Cornley is his name. We'll see how that works out for him.
15:26 - Another shot of the crowd reveals that just about everyone is a drunken fraternity guy with Jack Daniels courage that is impervious to the weather. I wonder how much vomit will be in the bathroom urinals at halftime? I wonder how many guys will pass out in the snow and freeze to death. Happens more than you think. I once had a girlfriend that tried her best to accomplish this feat.
15:25 - OSU is on a 9 game winning streak and PSU is on a 9 game losing streak. Something has to give...or maybe not.
14:59 - One of the announcer admits to being crazy about Daequan Cook and being in love with his game. Quite appropriate of Valentine's Day but here's to hoping that those feelings go unrequited off the court.
14:17 - Bucks fail on two consecutive possessions to make the entry pass to Oden in the post. Seems like a point to go over in practice.
14:11 - Cook drops an awesome 3 from behind the backboard in the corner with a guy on him. I'm so glad he's staying for at least another year. Butler better be on that bench next year if anyone wants to believe that the coaching staff has any sense.
13:54 - Matt Terwilliger checks in for OSU, or the 6'8" Opie Taylor as I like to call him.
13:50 - One of the announcer comments that a lot of the time young people think that they are better than the playing time they receive. I wonder if he feels the same way about the games he gets assigned to call.
13:50 - Same announcer mispronounces Opie's name twice. Looks like someone forgot to read the media guide while he was stuck on the tarmac due to the snowstorm.
13:03 - Cook drains another three when Butler actually passes the ball on his way to the basket. Maybe he'll figure out that what happened wasn't a fluke and try that again.
DirecTV crashes on me. What are the odds, first game I blog, CRASH.

Halftime - My signal is back and Ohio St is up 40-19. Looks like I missed some scoring. I wonder how Jamelle Cornley's vendetta quest is going. Maybe he'll poison Oden and Cook at halftime. The two have combined to score one point less than the entire Penn St team.
19:51 - PSU opens with a three.
18:55 - Oden butter fingers another rebound, which I see him do at least 4 times a game. He really isn't that great of a rebounder. Maybe it's because he's Lebron's son. Maybe it's the cast on his hand.
18:02 - A PSU player rips the ball from Conley on a drive and is so surprised to get a steal that he nearly throws the ball out of bounds while trying to hit the lead man.
17:10 - Oden hits again from inside. He is twice the size of the guy "covering" him.
16:43 - An Oden block results in a Conley fast break. I'm betting I'll see a lot more of that this season.
15:50 - Ron Lewis nails a three from the top of the arc. OSU has too many shooter (even if you count Butler) for PSU to play zone. They have no chance athletically to play man. Looks like they should have brought guns.
15:41 - Bill Walton joins the game online as a phone in interview. All I can ask is why.
15:11 - Walton astutely points out that there is no snow in San Diego where he is calling from.
14:59 - Walton states that the best part of college BB is going into another team's arena and stealing their heart with dominant play and making them into your own fans. A little more cutthroat than I'm used to from Walton.
13:48 - Walton rambles about Wooden only wanting star players to shoot the ball. And if they weren't getting the ball, subs would come in and take out the other players. Seems to go against everything I've read about Wooden and team basketball. I'm guessing that Walton is just in love with the sound of his own voice at this point.
13:14 - Alley oop to Oden. Why can't they do that every play? I don't see any reason why that wouldn't work. He gets a garbage tech on him for hanging on the rim for 1.2 seconds. Walton is still on the phone and rambling about something. (note: the tech was from throwing the ball)
12:48 - Walton complains about Oden's left handed free throw form. He's making over 65% as a C with his off hand. What is there to complain about?
12:09 - Walton finds a way to bring the Enron case and the "shafted" victims into this conversation. Don't ask me what this has to do with the game or basketball in general.
11:59 - Walton brags about being made the highest paid player in the history of all sports when he was drafted. Who volunteers stuff like that without prompting? He'll probably bash the lack of humility in today's players with his next breath after he gets done uselessly self promoting his accolades. The announcers state that only Walton could work Enron into the broadcast. Walton takes this as a compliment and finally hangs up.
11:31 - PSU nails a three as the bass from the jackasses living below me rumbles through my floor. What is it with 16-22 year old guys and the need to play bass at obscene levels? Is the bass representative of a need for phallus length? I'd love to see a study done on this.
11:09 - PSU nails another one to cut the lead to 13 after a 12-2 run. The Bucks seem to get bored when they are ahead and let teams get back into it.
10:58 - Butler drops an easy pass out of bounds to give it back. Great way to stop that PSU run Jamar.
9:32 - Oden hits a jump hook with his right from 12ft out. Wow. With the brace on.
7:26 - Cornley gets a bucket inside over Oden. I wonder if his revenge is complete. Can he retire to a normal life in the suburbs? Only time will tell.
7:07 - Oden picks up his 3rd foul. PSU down by 13. Guy in the crown has a sign that says"O$U". Really clever. He must be a satire major. Only guy getting paid on this team is Matta and he needs the money for all the deodorant he needs to just leave a normal existence. He sweats more than I do. That's saying something.
5:40 - OSU jacks up another off the dribble three and misses. PSU 3 makes it an 8 point game. OSU timeout.
4:59 - More bass rumbles through my floor. If I close my eyes, maybe I'll think I'm at the game.
4:58 - Maybe not.
4:19 - Conley tips it away and jets forward to get hammered on his way to the basket. Wow is he fast.
3:35 - OSU jacks up another early 3 and nearly gets it stuck between the rim and backboard.
2:59 - Buckeyes miss a layup in transition off of an Oden block.
2:46 - PSU three. 6 point game. Commercial shows a clip of Dukie V at the Duke-BC game after this one. He is wearing a yellow afro wig and is in the BC student section. How could they let that wolf in sheep's clothing among them? As if he would ever root for anyone but Duke. He is probably poisoning them to keep the crowd noise down during the free throws.
2:20 - The ball is tipped into the back court looking like an easy PSU basket. Until Conley zooms by and scoops up the ball in the blink of an eye.
2:03 - Bucks just miss twice inside from point blank but at least they get the board.
1:39 - Buler bricks from 8 feet out and starts a fast break the other way. 4 point game. I imagine Matta is sweating.
1:13 - Conley hits a floater off of a pick and roll. He is a true clutch player.
0:50 - PSU guy nails an off balance three to make it a three point game. Where did the Buckeyes go the last ten minutes? They sure aren't playing like the #2 team in the country. There will be many drunks in the snow later tonight if PSU can pull off this upset.
0:20 - Stupid Penn St guy fouls Butler and puts him on the line. An 89% free throw shooter, FT shooting is all that he is good at. Should have backed off of him, Butler would have for sure fired up a three. Butler sinks one but misses the second.
0:11 - PSU guy draws foul inside on Oden to get to the line. He makes them both. PSU timeout.
0:10 - PSU foul on inbound putting Lewis at line. PSU guy tried a Divac like flop to draw foul. Lewis misses.
0:03 - PSU guy misses three to win game as time expires. Whew! OSU really escaped tonight. They have to play these guys again next week. Hopefully it turns out better. So much for my 90 point prediction. More like 64-62. Scary that they got so bored that they almost blew it. Cornley actually had the ball down low and could have won it with a make and free throw but instead kicked it out for the three.

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