Quick Flash 04/30/2007 - Carlie Butler

• Pistons sweep aside the Magic as Darko looks for his Kleenex to wipe his tears of unrequited revenge.
• Heat get swept by the Bulls as Wade realizes the toll that the separated shoulder has taken on his ability to flop in the lane.
• Warrors have Mavs up against the ropes. It helps playing in probably the loudest arena I've ever heard.
• Cards pitcher dies in car crash after running into parked tow truck.
• Pats acquire Randy Moss for fourth rounder. Moss prepares New England Moon Dance.
• Darrell Jackson heading to the 49ers as the Seahawks lose interest in stockpiling massive quantities of above average WRs.

32. Colts - Anthony Gonzalez

A great pickup by the Colts as Gonzalez should slide right into that 3rd WR slot and provide great awareness, route running, toughness, clutch catches, as well as surprisingly good speed. Anthony will also be an insurance policy in the event of an injury to Marvin Harrison or Reggie Wayne.

31. Bears - Greg Olsen

The Bears had a need at TE and they filled it with the most physically gifted TE in the draft. Greg Olsen has great size, speed (4.5), and route running ability. However he did seem to disappear at times for the Hurricanes, finishing with a lot more 1 and 2 catch games than he should have. It remains to be seen if he is just a workout wonder or if he can put it all together on the field.

30. Chargers - Craig Davis

Some will say that the Chargers reached too high to select Davis but he does have the physical abilities of a first rounder with better speed than his counterpart Dwayne Bowe and better hands. A good selection by the Chargers, although Anthony Gonzalez might have worked just a little bit better at this spot.

29. Ravens - Ben Grubbs

Ben Grubbs is an absolute mauler in the running game with great mobility and lower body strength. He should step in and play immediately on a Ravens line that had some difficulty opening running lanes last season.

28. 49ers - Joe Staley

The 49ers trade next year's #1 for the right to select Joe Staley, LT from Central Michigan. Staley is quite the athletic specimen as a former 200m state qualifier in high school that can still run a 4.7 at 310 lbs. He will continue to improve as he has only played LT for 3 years and he will get stronger on an NFL weight program. A good selection for the 49ers and a great trade by the Patriots since the pick is likely to be in the teens next year.

27. Saints - Robert Meachem

The Saints select a player who could have easily been the second WR selected with his combination of size, speed, and hands. They did well to grab the Tennessee standout who will play opposite Marques Colston now that Joe Horn has departed.

26. Cowboys - Anthony Spencer

The Cowboys surprise a lot of people by using the 2nd rounder acquired from the Browns to get back into the first round by swapping with the division rival Eagles to select Anthony Spencer from Purdue. It was a questionable move with their need for a CB opposite Terrence Newman and the fact that Chris Houston, my favorite CB in this draft, still on the board. I see Spencer as an average NFL player, nothing special.

25. Panthers - Jon Beason

The Panthers get a guy at 25 that they might have picked at 14 with Patrick Willis off the board. Though listed as an OLB, the Panthers may try to move Beason inside to back up Dan Morgan once he gets his next concussion and starts getting spoon fed all of his meals at the retard home. Good value for the Panthers in their draft manipulation.

24. Patriots - Brandon Meriweather

Selecting with the first of their dual first rounders, the Pats snagged Brandon Meriweather to play FS and possibly sub some for Rodney Harrison at SS as well when he succumbs to his yearly injury. Meriweather is fast, athletic, and has good instincts. He also know how to keep a calm head in a shootout both on the field and off the field.

23. Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe

The Chiefs make a great pick in selecting the most complete WR outside of Calvin Johnson. Dwayne Bowe has speed, size, strength, hands, route running, and blocking. If there are other things that WRs need that I've never heard of, I'm sure that Bowe possesses these attributes as well.

22. Browns - Brady Quinn

As much as I like the value of the Browns acquiring a guy with the 22nd pick that they gave serious consideration to with the 3rd pick, they paid a tremendously steep price to get him. The Browns traded their high second round pick and next year's sure to be top 7 first round pick to the Dallas Cowboys. Early points go to the Cowboys for fleecing the Browns, but it won't matter if soft Brady can somehow become a Pro Bowler.

21. Jaguars - Reggie Nelson

The Jags trade down and get the guy they wanted all along, the versatile Reggie Nelson. Nelson provides them with the ball hawking centerfielder that they needed in the secondary to complement the hard hitting Donovan Darius. Kudos to the Jags for great maneuvering.

20. Giants - Aaron Ross

The Giants fill an area of need with the speedy CB Aaron Ross out of Texas. Ross, with the exception of Ted Ginn, covered just about everyone he faced pretty well as well as supplying some exciting moments in the return game. Ross is not the most physical player and is only adequate against the run. Regardless he should be starting by the fifth or sixth game.

19. Titans - Michael Griffin

The Titans select Michael Griffin, FS out of Texas, ahead of his more heralded teammate Aaron Ross, CB. despite the team's glaring need at CB before Pacman Jones was suspended for the entire season. Griffin is a bit of a reach at this spot even among free safeties as I have Reggie Nelson and Brandon Merriweather both listed as better players.

18. Bungles - Leon Hall

The Bungles fill a need at the CB position by selecting Leon Hall. I was not one that was on the Leon Hall bandwagon. I feel that he will be a solid, if unspectacular player, that does a lot of things good but nothing great. Even his blazing speed did not transfer onto the field that well as he was torched by Ted Ginn and Dwayne Jarrett. He will be a solid #2 corner for his team but never a #1 shutdown guy.

17. Broncos - Jarvis Moss

The second trade of the day was executed as the Broncos swapped with the Jaguars to take Jarvis Moss. This is a reach pick in my opinion as I did not even feel that Moss was a first rounder. Moss is a pure pass rusher with little to no skills at the point-of-attack. Even as a pass rusher he is a one trick pony with just an outside speed move. The Broncos could have likely stayed put and still grabbed Moss.

16. Packers - Justin Harrell

Another surprise as the Packers select Justin Harrell, DT from Tennessee with the 16th pick. Many pundits had Harrell pegged as a 2nd rounder or at best a late 1st rounder. I am a fan of Harrell's ability and especially his toughness, having played an entire game with a torn biceps tendon. He should upgrade the Packers run defense immediately and be a stalwart in the middle for years to come.

15. Steelers - Lawrence Timmons

The Steelers select Lawrence Timmons, OLB, Florida State. I feel as if Timmons is a little bit of a reach at this portion of the draft with Timmons not testing very fast speed wise, nor being very large either. He will probably have trouble defending the run directly at him. Timmons is probably not much better than OLBs that can be had in the 2nd round like Anthony Spencer or Jarvis Moss.

14. Jets - Darrelle Revis

The first trade of the day was executed between the Panthers and the Jets. The Jets traded up to acquire Darrelle Revis, a great cover corner with 4.4 speed who can also tackle and return punts. Revis was snatched out of the waiting arms of the Steelers, who were craving the local product. There is no word yet how much influence Larry David had in this selection.

13. Rams - Adam Carriker

Still no trades and not a lot of surprises outside of the Ted Ginn selection as the Rams go with Adam Carriker. Carriker can play either DE or DT for the Rams, playing the former on run downs and the latter on pass downs, teaming with Leonard Little (if he doesn't kill anyone) and James Hall to form a potent pass rush. Carriker may not be athletic enough to be a great third down edge rusher, but he can get the job done from the inside.

12. Bills - Marshawn Lynch

Packers fans everywhere collectively gasp as the Bills grab Marshawn Lynch to replace the departed Willis McGahee. Lynch has great hands and plays much faster than his 4.5 speed indicates. I feel that Lynch will be a better pro than Adrian Peterson, barring injury. Hopefully for Bills fans Marshawn can find more to do in Buffalo than Willis was able to find. Someone should check on Brady Quinn and make sure that he is not hanging from the doorknob in the commish's green room from his tie.

11. 49ers - Patrick Willis

San Fransisco selects a player that it was obvious they loved just from watching Mike Singletary deal with him during the segments of Senior Bowl practice that was aired on NFL Network earlier in the season. Willis is amazingly fast, timing in at below 4.4 in his private workout, was among the nation's leaders in tackling, and was tough enough to play with a club cast rather than sit out. In other news the Brady Quinn plunge continues and the commish felt bad for him to the point of pulling him out of the view of cameras into the commish's private green room. Wuss. Probably the only instance of the word "wuss" printed in the same paragraph as the words "Patrick Willis" in an interesting occurrence.

10. Texans - Amobi Okoye

The Texans pick the wunderkind out of Louisville, Amobi Okoye, who should team with last year's first rounder Mario Williams to form a stellar defensive line, something that has been missing since their inception. At just 19 years of age, Okoye will without a doubt get stronger and be able to put on more weight as he matures as a football player.

9. Dolphins - Ted Ginn

In the first surprise of the day, the Dolphins passed on Brady Quinn to grab Ted Ginn, the blazing human highlight film from Ohio State who has dropped on many boards due to his foot injury and slight frame. Ginn should really take some of the double coverage off of Pro Bowler Chris Chambers, even if he doesn't know how to run a route quite yet and may have to rely primarily on his speed early on.

8. Falcons - Jamaal Anderson

Another non-surprise with the second best DE getting selected by the pass rush poor Atlanta Falcons. Jamaal Anderson is more of a every down DE than Gaines Adams with his impressive 288lb bulk that could get even heavier when he starts using an NFL lifting program. Anderson may even be able to shift inside to a DT on 3rd down to get an extra pass rusher on the field. Anderson was recruited as a WR believe it or not and somehow grew into this monstrosity of a football player.

7. Vikings - Adrian Peterson

In another non-surprise, the Vikings selected Adrian Peterson. Peterson dropped amid speculation that his broken collarbone was not completely healed. The Vikings will take a little bit of adjusting for Peterson as he will have to get used to the nuances of catching the football out of the backfied in the West Coast Offense.

6. Redskins - LaRon Landry

The Redskins make a very smart move by selecting a FS. What you say, they already had a FS in Sean Taylor? No, he just happened to line up there. Taylor is completely a SS both in his size, tackling ferocity, and the way that he plays. Landry is a much better center fielder and can actually play zone defense and be a field general back there, which, despite his physical ability, Sean Taylor was unable to do.

5. Cardinals - Levi Brown

The Cardinals pick LT Levi Brown which came as a surprise to some people. Those people should take a look at the woeful state of the Cardinals O-line since, well since forever. He should make the offense that much potent by freeing up Edge to average over 4.0 ypc and Boldin and Fitzgerald to run all over other teams. A very good pick on the part of the Cardinals, much better than selecting Jamaal Anderson or Adrian Peterson.

4. Bucs - Gaines Adams

The Bucs selected the first defensive player of this year's draft in Gaines Adams. Adams should immediately free up Simeon Rice to get a few more sacks next year by possibly saving him from a double team or two on third down. Adams is by far the best pass rusher of any of the DEs in this years class. Though he is a little light as a run defender, he more than makes up for it with his passing skills.

3. Browns - Joe Thomas

The Browns make the safest and best pick in their situation outside of trading down by taking LT Joe Thomas. The Browns have needed offensive line help since the day that they came back from the dead and it's nice to see them finally address it in the first round (besides that whole center thing a few years ago). Thomas should start from Day 1 and be a solid pro at least. Quinn had questions of whether he was already at his skill ceiling and Adrian Peterson faced questions about the health of his broken collarbone.

2. Lions - Calvin Johnson

The Lions did the right thing by selecting their 4th WR in the 1st round under Matt Millen. Whether they keep Calvin Johnson or trade him, he was definitely the clear cut top 2 guy in this draft and it would have been foolish to lose that leverage in a trade scenario or the quality of CJ's talent on the field. I can only imagine the nightmare of covering Johnson and Roy Williams that other teams now have to plan for. I wonder what kind of transition it will be for Roy to go from The Man on offense to Second Fiddle, which a lot of talented players have trouble adapting to.

1. Raiders - JaMarcus Russell

In a totally unsurprising move, the Raiders went with JaMarcus Russell with the top selection, turning down late overtures from the Cleveland Browns and other teams to move up to that slot. Russell has a ridiculous arm and phenomenal size. Hopefully for the Raiders he can progress rapidly mentally both in learning the offense and being a team leader (not a team distraction/joke like one Mike Vick and his weekly dalliances with the law).

2007 Donkey Carnival NFL Mock Draft

What will happen (What should happen)

1. Raiders - JaMarcus Russell (Calvin Johnson)

2. Lions - Gaines Adams (Gaines Adams)

3. Browns - Joe Thomas (JaMarcus Russell)

4. Bucs - Calvin Johnson (Joe Thomas)

5. Cardinals - Levi Brown (Levi Brown)

6. Redskins - LaRon Landry (LaRon Landry)

7. Vikings - Adrian Peterson (Ted Ginn)

8. Falcons - Jamaal Anderson (Adrian Peterson)

9. Dolphins - Brady Quinn (Brady Quinn)

10. Texans - Amobi Okoye (Darrell Revis)

11. 49ers - Patrick Willis (Patrick Willis)

12. Bills - Alan Branch (Chris Houston)

13. Rams - Adam Carriker (Amobi Okoye)

14. Panthers - Greg Olsen (Greg Olsen)

15. Steelers - Lawrence Timmons (Adam Carriker)

16. Packers - Marshawn Lynch (Marshawn Lynch)

17. Jaguars - Reggie Nelson (Reggie Nelson)

18. Bungles - Ted Ginn (Leon Hall)

19. Titans - Darrell Revis (Aaron Ross)

20. Giants - Leon Hall (Paul Posluszny)

21. Broncos - Joe Staley (Dwayne Bowe)

22. Cowboys - Aaron Ross (Marcus McCauley)

23. Chiefs - Dwayne Bowe (Justin Harrell)

24. Patriots - Chris Houston (Lawrence Timmons)

25. Jets - Ben Grubbs (Ben Grubbs)

26. Eagles - Marcus McCauley (Eric Wright)

27. Saints - Eric Wright (Jon Beason)

28. Patriots - Eric Weddle (Daymeion Hughes)

29. Ravens - Tony Ugoh (Drew Stanton)

30. Chargers - Robert Meachem (Brandon Merriweather)

31. Bears - Zach Miller (Sidney Rice)

32. Colts - Demarcus Tyler (Demarcus Tyler)

Quick Flash 04/27/2007 - Ashley Tappin

• Lakers come back to stun the Suns. Kobe actually showed up to play at this one.
• Yankees lose 6th in a row. Is that Joe Torre's seat getting a little bit hotter?
• Pistons go up 3-0. Five years ago this series would have already been over.
• Sosa hits 2 HRs. Did anyone check to see if Victor Conte was sneaking out of the stadium in a trench coat and a rubber nose and mustache?
• Smoltz to get $14M next season to come back for his 20th season. If he gets that much, how much would Roger Clemens get to play a season pitching only 5 1/3 innings per game from June until October?
• Idiots argue over whether it was really blood on Schilling's sock and not paint. Next thing on agenda is to check whether Jose Canseco actually used steroids or a fluid to trick people into thinking it was steroids to garner media attention.
  

Rick Carlisle Needs to Call a Lawyer

Rick Carlisle was given his walking papers by the Indiana Pacers yesterday, presumably for what is believed to be underachievement with the talent on the team. If Rick were smart enough to hire a halfway decent attorney, he might just have a case for negligence against Donnie Walsh and the great Larry Bird (what is it about former Celtic greats and screwing up as GMs?). Clearly the duo failed to exercise a reasonable standard of care in supplying Carlisle with players. After all, what reasonable person would trade Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington for Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy? Two incredibly athletic players for two slow stiffs that fall all over themselves turning the ball over. And on top of their ugly play on the court, the team and fans are exposed to their ugly appearances on the bench as well. Basically all-around duds. Come to think of it, maybe David Stern should be added in the suit for even approving such a one-sided deal.

Quick Flash 04/26/2007 - Tiffany Scott

• Mavs finally beat the Warriors. Cuban prepares scathing blog post directed at Nelson.
• Bonds cranks 741. Giants somehow have won 7 straight despite not being on the Senior Tour.
• Cavs beat Wizards again. Arenas and Butler choke in clutch as they combine for 0 points.
• Predictable Spurs beat unpredictable Nuggets as predictably Iverson and Anthony each take over 20 shots.
• Peavy K's 16 and still ends up with the loss. At one point he was one strike from ten K's in a row.
• Jarrod Washburn pitches 3-hitter. Did I really just type that?

Rutgers Chick Coach Wins Money

C. Vivian Stringer, coach of the Rutgers women's basketball team, has received an extension that has an equal base salary to that of football coach Greg Schiano. This happened despite the fact that Schiano made a major bowl game and came close to a national title in the highest revenue sport on campus. A sport that brings in major TV money and has over 40,000 fans in attendance at each game. Rutgers women's basketball, on the other hand, is probably not even profitable, even with their national runner-up status, and brings in minuscule crowds and minimal TV money. So how is it fair to pay the head coaches of these teams the same amount? That's not the way the business world works. The guys that bring in the most money get paid the most, not the ones with the sympathy of the press.

I wonder what line of logic Rutgers was using when it made this decision. Hmmm. Maybe it had something to do with that whole "nappy hoes" fiasco and that boring radio guy who I am glad to not see on Sports Center anymore. So that stupid "accepting an apology rally" that they had last week actually paid off. Imus' bigotry paid off. And it all paid off handsomely. If I were Schiano, I would demand a renegotiation of my deal to one commiserate with the amount of attention and athletic success that he has bestowed upon the program. I would get the media involved on my side illustrating the double standard in play with the equal pay. How she used racial slurs and controversy to pretty much extort the University because I don't think it's a big assumption that Rutgers didn't voluntarily want to pay her so much unless she threatened to resign. That resignation would make the school look like bigots, putting them in an awkward position of having to overpay to save face.

Barring a better contract befitting Sciano, he should threaten to resign. And don't think that all the good jobs are taken. All he would have to do is sit out about 4 games and some team will be 1-3 and fire their coach early with the intent of grabbing Schiano early ala Butch Davis at UNC last season. Or Schiano could just call Nick Saban tomorrow, pretend he's with the San Diego Chargers and will pay him $6M/year and that Alabama job will be vacant before the phone is even hung up. Nick won't realize what really happened until his plane has already touched down in San Diego. After all it's not like he'll have a meeting with his players before he goes.

Quick Flash 04/25/2007 - Jenny Adams

• Lakers get owned. Kobe must have given up to only drop 15 with the national spotlight on him.
• Raptors tie up the series and Bulls move up two games. Vince Carter wilted under the heat of boos and D-Wade can't flop in the lane anymore.
• Tigers drop one in extra innings due to...surprise, surprise, pitcher errors.
• Yankees fall to last place. HA HA HA. Way to manage that money.
• FBI investigating threatening letters to cheerleaders, some laced with insecticide. Hmm, I guess a little different than the normal requests for underwear and perfume samples.
• Army lied about Pat Tillman's death. What? The government not giving the public the full truth. Preposterous.
• Everyone wants the Lions pick. Or so the Lions say until Draft Day.
• Oden and Conley a package deal in the NBA? Sounds pretty unlikely, but if those hockey twins could pull it off then anything is possible.

Nothing Better To Do In Alabama?

Spring college football practices are in the air. What does that mean for most fans? Nothing really. The players just do a lot of sprints and half-speed practices. Nothing special, nothing crazy. Except in Alabama where 92,000 people showed up for the spring game, apparently inspired by the bright future ahead for Crimson Tide football with the brilliant Nick Saban at the helm of the program. Wal-mart must have been closed or the NASCAR satellite ticket on the fritz for such an outpouring of support to happen in a meaningless game. Surely the Tide fans realized that Saban is already married and can't be bred with hundreds of young 'Bama coeds to increase the future IQ of the state by creating a race of non-retarded normies. At this rate, what will happen after the Crimson Tide lose their first game? Will Saban be ripped to pieces by an angry mob carrying torches and pitchforks while giving the post game press conference? One rule I've learned in this situation is that you never can predict the actions of someone who is too emotional and too stupid for their own good. I call it my female theory.

Sam Mitchell Wins Coach of Year

In an interesting reversal of fortune, Sam Mitchell won the Coach of the Year Award for his work in turning around the Raptors from a lottery team to a division winner. What merits mention is not the teams turn around, but the fact that just a few years ago, Mitchell was picked as the worst coach by a vote of NBA players conducted in an issue of Sports Illustrated. Which brings up the question of whether the Raptors did so well because of Mitchell or in spite of Mitchell. Much of that will be answered in their first round playoff matchup against the hapless and streaky Nets, a team fractured by players that don't care (Carter), going through disturbing divorce proceedings (Kidd), or would rather hang with their gay male model buddies (Jefferson). We'll soon be able to tell if Mitchell is just another Doc Rivers "good coach" poser or if he is the real deal.

Top 7 Worst Athlete Wives

7. Juanita Jordan, former wife of Michael Jordan - Though Juanita never attacked MJ, severely slandered his name/manhood, or attempted to sever any sexual organs, she did make off with over $150M in the divorce settlement, the largest celebrity divorce settlement in history. Even a guy who wagers $100k on a hole of golf with a buddy cannot be happy about losing that much loot. For that she gets on this list.

6. Jean Strahan, former wife of Michael Strahan - Apparently not satisfied with the $15.5M, house, and other goodies that she received in the divorce settlement, she stooped to selling off many of Michael's personal effects, including but not limited to Pro Bowl memorabilia, game worn equipment, and TVs. All for rock bottom prices to whomever showed up to the garage sale. At least she left the plasmas intact.

5. Deidra Lane, former wife of Fred Lane - Deidra shot and killed her husband with two close range gun shot wounds to the head and chest. How can this woman only be ranked in the #5 slot when she ended up killing her husband? Odds are that she put him out of a life of misery, not to mention the misery he missed out on that we all know as divorce, that brutal demon that steals at least half of what a man worked his whole life for in the blink of an eye. And it's not like he never saw the shooting coming, he did marry her knowing that she once robbed a credit union.

4. Joumana Kidd, former wife of Jason Kidd - According to court documents filed by Jason, his crazy ex-wife kicked, hit, punched him and exhibited extreme cruelty by throwing objects at him. To add insult to injury, she even tracked him by placing GPS devices on his car and stealing his prepaid cell phones to stalk his mistresses. Basically a total downer on all fronts.

3. Robin Givens, former wife of Mike Tyson - Well she obviously couldn't beat him up, but she did manipulate Iron Mike until he didn't know whether he was coming or going. Then again that might be his normal mental state. Also there are the horrific rumors that she faked a pregnancy to get married and then faked a miscarriage to get sympathy from Mike in her battle with his handlers. Basically she made off with a ton of money, fame, and never had to see what demon spawn might come out of her if she were to bear Tyson's young.

2. Tawny Kitaen, former wife of Chuck Finley - Tawny doesn't seem to know how to do something half-assed. When she went after Chuck, she sure had a well rounded attack. She attacked him physically with her arms, legs, and stilettos. Ouch. As if getting beat up by your wife isn't bad enough, she attacked him professionally by stating that he has cheated and used steroids for years and brags about knowing how to get around drug testing. Yikes, kind of biting the hand that feeds her. Then she killed his marketability by claiming that Chuck and his family liberally used the "N-word" and that he kept unregistered shotguns at his home. Tawny pretty much scored a triple-double in her ruinous impact on Chuck's life and we haven't even discussed how much money she probably bamboozled.

1. Jeni Lee Dinkel, soon to be former wife of Tom Dinkel - Well she hasn't taken any divorce money from him yet, or inflicted physical injury on him that we know of, but she wounded him in the worst way that a man can be wounded. She cheated on him with a 15-year old boy. Not a younger guy, but a boy. She would rather engage in sex with someone whom it is illegal to, than with her supposedly Alpha Male, stud athlete husband. Not only sex, but sodomy. I bet Tom never got much of a taste of that action. Tom will never go anywhere around his friends without them thinking about that little punk freshman in high school that his wife had an affair with. At least the guys above were either physically wounded, fooled by gold diggers, or not alive anymore. Tom Dinkel has to relive his shame every day with every future relationship.

Quick Flash 04/24/2007 - Cristie Kerr

• Mark Prior to have shoulder surgery. Seems like I did this blurb already.
• Leandro Barbosa wins 6th man award in a landslide. Now to the less obvious news.
• Pistons beat Magic and Houston beats Utah by the exact same score. Wonders never cease.
• A-Rod can do no wrong. Every time he swings he hits a homer or two, giving him 14 in 18 games.
• Canucks eliminate Stars in not-so-epic game seven on unwatched network.
• Denver looking to move up to Detroit's two slot to pick Calvin Johnson.

Jean Strahan Sucks

You know a divorce is getting bitter when, after getting over $15M dollars awarded to her, including the house, your crazy ex-wife just starts selling your stuff for rock bottom prices to people at a yard sale. Pro Bowls bags, TVs, gloves, whatever, all going to the highest bitter. At least she hasn't pulled a Lorena Bobbit on him yet.

Landis Backup Result Tests Positve

After nearly a year (how does blood or urine take nearly a year to check?) Floyd Landis has in fact tested positive for synthetic testosterone after his backup samples confirmed the initial positive. I don't really care at this point. This story has for sure tested positive for boredom. I do more interesting things each afternoon than this whole Landis doping story. I eat sandwiches, big and spicy ones. I sell people things that they don't need. I sit and day dream about work being over and me sunning myself next to California co-eds. You get the picture.

The Best Family to Breed With

For those of you looking for wives or husbands with stellar athletic genes for the purposes of creating your own small army of ubermen (that is my plan by the way, all interested ladies will find my email address in the top corner of the page under my profile in order to submit their resumes), the Hostetler family appears to be the gene pool to get spliced into. Of the grandchildren of Grandpa Hostetler, 16 of the 19 have played Division I athletics. Wow. Wow. That is all I can say to that one. And who can forget Uncle Jeff and his miracle run to the Super Bowl. Now there is just the matter of finding where the 18-24 year old female Hostetlers reside. Google should be able to help. Google can do anything.

The Fall of Cro Cop

In a stunning turn of events Saturday night, Mirko Cro Cop, the pretty much unrivaled heavyweight MMA fighter, was knocked out by the relatively unknown Gabreil Gonzaga. This was not a fluke slippage knockout either. Gonzaga cranked Cro Cop in the head with a brutal leg kick which knocked him out so quickly that Mirko fell onto his own left leg where it looks like he may have dislocated his ankle and torn a knee ligament or two. With this win Gonzaga wins the right to battle Randy Couture for the UFC heavyweight title in August. It should be an interesting bout since Gonzaga is pretty new and Couture is pretty old, as in 43 years old. You gotta love it when an unknown fighter comes out and slays one of the giants of the sport, but that is the essence of MMA, that anything can happen at any moment (except for eye gouging, biting, etcc, but you get the point).

Quick Flash 04/23/2007 - Biba Golic

• Brandon Wright leaving UNC to turn pro. Guess it's Tyler's team now.
• Bonds hits 739 and 740 over the weekend. Has a guy ever even hit 740 homers in his softball career? Cheater or not, still amazing.
• Red Wings finish off the Flames who are left with going back to pathetically average Canada.
• Warriors take down the Mavs on their home court. An upset might just be brewing as long as Baron Davis can avoid the buffet and trainer's table.
• Nuggets upset the Spurs. Can Ginobli's bald spot save them?
• Nadal beats Federer as the great champ shows that he is weak on clay.
• Jeff Gordon wins to tie Earnhardt and honors him in victory. Tens of thousands of NASCAR fans took out their chew out of respect.
• Red Sox hit 4 straight homers to beat the Yanks. A-Rod makes final out with runner on base, prepares for boos when he returns home.

Pacman Apologizes Via Ad

Pacman took out a full page ad in The Tennessean apologizing for his actions over that past few weeks and stating that he has learned a "lifetime of lessons" from them. I assume that the lessons he means are things like:

- Take more than five steps away from entourage when they open fire on unarmed bystanders so that it looks like I might not be involved.

- Make sure guns used in shootouts are not registered to me.

- Getting suspended for a whole season costs a lot of money.

- Find a new PR person who is better at transferring blame to other entities.

- Never forget to state that it's the system that is at fault, not me.

- Use my 4.3 speed to flee the scene. And fast.

One also has to love the line about creating a scholarship for walk-on players at WVU, as if something like that is even possible since the NCAA imposes an 85 scholarship limit on each team. I might as well promise the same thing.

Quick Flash 04/20/2007 - Veronica Kay

• Silly Cleveland writer thinks impossibly long NBA playoffs are better than NCAA tournie.
• A-Rod hits his 10th to crush the hopes of the Tribe having a better bullpen than last year.
• Hill and Peavy move to 3-0 as Cubs and Pads both win.
• Kevin McHale can't get fired even if he tries. He even thinks the never sniffing .500 Randy Wittman is a good coach.
• Rams sniffing around Ricky Williams and the odor is not coming back pungent.

Fight Club Lives On

Courtesy of With Leather. Thirty-five people. A nice circle. Some video tape. Two people brawling in the center. How could a Wednesday night get any better. The blood. The thrill. The testosterone. It's a shame they had to get arrested. Silly police always trying to put a stop to whatever interesting is going on. It's also great to see that Fight Clubs still live on, especially past the techie genre into more serious brawlers. I would like nothing more than to get something like this started in Sacramento. It would be a great thing for inner cities and would probably lower the crime rates by allowing people to settle their differences in a way that does not invovle guns or knives. Sadly city council types would never go for it.

2007 NBA Playoffs Preview.

Pistons and Cavs advance to the conference finals, Cleveland after a hard fought 4-3 series win over the surprising Nets. The Pistons take down the Cavs for the second year in a row after the Pistons shut down the Cavs driving duo of James and Hughes and forces them to settle for 3s that they can't hit consistently.

Suns and Mavs meet up in the West finals in what will become one of the epic series of all time. The Mavs win with a 4-3 all timer featuring a game low score of 112. Josh Howard becomes the key to the series as his defense shuts down Shawn Marion.

The Finals will belong to the Mavs as they are victorious over the Pistons with a 4-2 series that looks closer than it ever was. The Pistons lack of depth and speed is exposed. Howard shuts down Hamilton and wins the Finals MVP.